Although we were officially married November 10, 2010, we weren’t able to have our actual wedding ceremony for close family and friends until nearly a year later (October 16, 2011).
Mercedes and I realize that watching a video is no substitute for the real thing, but we hope you’ll enjoy this short wedding trailer of our special day. For those of you who were able to join us, thank you for sharing in our “dream come true” day. We love you and appreciate you all so much!
Every now and then, we’ll catch a movie that grips our hearts and brings a tear to our eye. Yes, chick flicks can do that (for some of us), but the type of movie I’m talking about are the ones that are laden with HONOR.
Saving Private Ryan, The Last Samurai, Braveheart…to name a few. These are classics and grip our attention and hearts because the heroes of these films possess one common character trait – HONOR.
This week, we’ll be starting a new series on virtues that we, as a culture, have begun to neglect. HONOR is one of them. I hope you’ll join us this week at Frederick Lifegroup as we explore the lost virtue of Honor, and how we can get that back in our families, work places, and lives.
Thanks so much for all of your warm congratulatory wishes. We know this seems sudden and shocking, and we hope to share how God has been speaking in our lives to each of you; but suffice it to say, we received a word from God and felt that we could not delay.
Part of that “word” that we received was Genesis 12:3 which says “I’ll bless those who bless you…”. We wanted to thank you for your blessings, especially in light of not knowing the circumstances of our engagement and marriage. God has already told us that YOU will be blessed for your response, and we wanted to pass that message along.
We are still planning to have a wedding ceremony/celebration in the spring, and we’ll keep you informed once we nail down those plans.
Thank you all again, and God bless YOU!
For months we have been planning a trip to Cali. We’ve dubbed it, “The One”. Why? Well, we are traveling down route 1, searching for “The One” (our future spouse), while seeking “The One” (our creator and God). Although the three of us are at different stages with regards to relationships we are in (or aren’t in), we are like-minded in our mission to prepare ourselves for our future spouses. Therefore, we wanted this to be a time of fellowship and prayer as we went on our quest, venturing through the wine country, catching gnarly waves, and living outrageously in a 1988 VW Westfalia camper van.
You gotta love the VW Westfalia camper van. Look at all that crap we packed in there.
On course, down The One, looking for our surf shop.
Searching for the waves, heading down The One.
After a long day’s journey from San Fransisco, we pulled over along a turnabout and set up camp.
When I woke up, I was amazed to see the cliffs surrounding us with waves crashing below. God’s gift of a beautiful sunrise brought me to tears as I worshiped Him.
Franco found his own spot and dug into the Word.
Once we got packed up, we headed back down the windy roads of The One along the coastlines of Monterey, CA. Curt marveled at the landscape around us as he read his morning paper while driving.
Pfeiffer Beach was a Gem find given to us by the locals in Big Sur. Franco and I scaled the rocks jutting out from the ocean while Curt meandered along the shoreline.
You can’t really tell the height of this point, but our rock climbing lessons came in handy as we scaled this 100 foot point overlooking Pfeiffer Beach.
3 Wild and sexy guys
We finally found a good surfing spot at Morro Bay. Franco and I were hesitant to get in because the water is ice cold, but the wet suits proved to be clutch!
It’s official, we’ve decided that although black maybe a flattering color, black wetsuits are NOT!
Look at Monkey Butt Franco
We didn’t last long. After 15 minutes of paddling against waves and not getting anywhere, we washed up on shore like beached elephant seals.
Speaking of elephant seals, we came across a whole bunch of them at Vista Point.
Someone farted, and in these tights quarters, we couldn’t help but laugh like school girls.
Time for lunch as we ventured to Santa Barbara.
Fish Tacos! Get your fish Tacos here!
We made it to Santa Barbara today. The waves were only 0″ – 1′ and super foggy, so we decided to do some sight seeing. We stopped into The Mission.
Saying a quick prayer for The One (Benz)
GQ pose. Look carefully at what Curt is holding.
Everyone’s question when you come back from a missions trip is,
So? How was it?
And every time I get asked that question (every year), I never know quite what to say. Of course its ‘amazing’ and ‘incredible’ and ‘memorable’…but those are the expected responses, and I somehow feel disappointed when the words that come out of my mouth don’t come close to 
measuring up to the experience. I’ve learned that it’s more about ‘how you say it’ than ‘what you say’ that tells the story of the truly exceptional nature of the missions trip. And to me, the ‘how’ should be more than just an intonation and enthusiasm in one’s voice. The ‘how’ should be evident in the fruit of that person’s life from that point forward. The question “how was it?” should be answered by the evidence of my life after coming back from a missions trip. And the question I have to ask myself is: Am I changed?
Peru Elevar 2010 (this year’s missions trip name) was another unique experience for me, and was an appropriate theme for me as well. I was hoping to be elevated to a new level in my walk and I went in with a high sense of expectancy that God was going to do something great there – I just didn’t know what it would look like.
You see, this was the 3rd year that I’ve gone; so the charm, excitement, newness, and shock factor weren’t a part of my experience this year. Did we do different things? Yes. Did we visit different places? Yes. Did we go with different people. Yes. But the experience was totally different. In fact, it was more challenging than I ever expected. Let me explain.
Kids gathered as we unloaded the bus to go build an addition to a local home.
After a long day of painting, praying, cleaning, building, playing with children, cooking, or fixing leaky roofs or broken beds, we met as a group to debrief and share the ‘moments’ of our day. And every night, I stared at the carpet in front of me as, one by one, our team members shared with reckless abandon the impact that day’s events had on them.
One night, as I listened to the stories, I kept hearing voices in my head saying, “what’s wrong with you? Why are you so unaffected by what you see?” “Your heart is calloused” “You should have never come” “God isn’t speaking to you” “You’re being ineffective here”. And the more I heard those voices, the more I began to believe it. Ironically, although I was thousands of miles from home to serve God, I felt thousands of miles away from Him as well. Me being there did nothing to close the gap. In fact, it felt like He was even further away. I just wanted to be with Him. I wanted to hear His voice.
So after the meeting, I quietly went to my room without telling anyone, and I locked the door behind me. I opened my bible to read one of the theme verses for the week:
A wasteland, parched with thirst (Huaycan - Lima, Peru)
17 “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
18 I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs.
19 I will put in the desert the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. I will set pines in the wasteland, the fir and the cypress together,
20 so that people may see and know, may consider and understand, that the hand of the LORD has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it.
-Isaiah 41:17-20
And as I read it, I began crying as I called out to God in prayer for the next three hours. I felt just as barren and thirsty as the people of Peru that we were reaching. I wanted that promise to be true for me too. At one point, I went over to the desk in the room and began writing out my prayer in my journal.
I sat in the room during our debriefing feeling empty and sad. I had nothing to say. I had nothing to offer. I had no stories. I had nothing to share. I feel as though my heart has been hardened. Why doesn’t it break my heart to see these women and what they have gone through? What is wrong with me? What has happened to me?
God I haven’t heard your voice lately, and it saddens me not to hear from you. God, I know You are watching over my shoulders right now, reading these words, so please, dry these tears and hear my cry for You. I want to hear Your voice Lord. I miss You.
Lord, I want You to delight in me. I want to make You proud, Father. Padre, I’m here with my family of fellow believers, and I see their joy in serving You, and I know You are delighting in them, but I feel like an orphan child who’s not quite part of the family. Why? Why do I feel this way? God, is it something I’ve done? Is it something I haven’t done? What is keeping me from experiencing You the way that others are experiencing You?
Journal entry – Day 4 – July 12, 2010 – Monday night
By midnight, I felt much better. But the true refreshment came the next morning when I received an email from the Benz. There was no message. Just a verse. It read:
spreading my wings to soar like an eagle
27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”?
Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.
-Isaiah 40:27-31 (The Message)
It was as if God was responding directly to my letter! It overwhelmed me with joy and refreshment, and became a turning point for me in the trip.
I didn’t need to go to Peru to learn that lesson. It wasn’t something that could only happen in Peru. But I believe that God brought me all that way in order to teach me the value of pressing into Him when I’m feeling thirsty. We get caught up ‘doing’ things for Him, but we often forget that God wants, more than anything else, to spend quality time with us. When you are doing all the right things, making all the right decisions…praying, fasting, and serving Him…what do you do when you don’t hear from God?
Press in further. Call out louder. Then wait and listen.
He’ll respond and refresh you.
Take a journey with me through this photo album in Lima, Peru (Click here for photo slideshow)
-Nathan Fitzgerald
Do you truly buy into the things that you say you believe?
None of us would “deny” Christ in this day and age (at least not the same way Peter did) – Jesus is too popular a figure in our culture. But what does our life say? Are we denying Him that way? 
Are we holding back from joining conversations about faith because we don’t want people to find out we are a christian? After all, if they did find out, that would mean having to live a higher standard than the rest of them, and that just doesn’t sound appealing, does it? Are we denying Christ every time we start ranting and raving in our car, flicking the occasional bird? Or how about when we go out for a night out at bars and clubs? Are we denying Him then? How about our romantic relationships? Do they look any different than someone who is a non-christian? Hmmm…
Are we ashamed of our faith?
You might be thinking, “Hey, that’s not a fair statement. I’m not ashamed, but I just don’t think I have to be that radical to call myself a believer. After all, look at Peter. He denied Christ three times! AND he was one of Jesus’ closest friends.”
But if you take a look at Peter’s response, he repents and breaks down almost immediately.
Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept. – Mark 14:72
What’s the key to being unashamed of our faith in Christ? Paul gives us an answer as he writes in prison after having been persecuted for his faith in 2 Timothy 1:12:
“That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day”
The key is:
1) you must KNOW Christ…not just know of him.
2) you must believe in Him.
Did you catch that? Paul was not ashamed because he KNOWS who he has BELIEVED in.
Do you think Paul would have proclaimed Christ as his Lord and Savior if he wasn’t completely sold out for Him? Did Paul think his faith was worth going to prison for? Uh…apparently.
But that’s Paul, he’s a super christian. He’s nothing like the rest of us.
Is that what you’re thinking? Well let’s take a look at the secular world. If you stop to think about it, people proclaim some crazy things – The Lock Ness Monster, Big Foot, UFO’s and Aliens, Evolution…because they actually believe it. 
No one is going to proclaim something they don’t believe, unless of course you are a liar.
If you aren’t proclaiming Christ in your life (through your words AND actions), maybe it’s because you are ashamed. And if you are ashamed, maybe you don’t believe in Him to begin with.
-Nathan Fitzgerald
I woke up on Sunday morning (May 23rd) to the sound of my door buzzer at 8am. It was one of the Sheriffs from the Frederick County Police Department. Ever since I spoke rudely to him about a year ago for banging on my door at 6:30am, I’ve worked hard to be as polite as possible with him. After all, he was just the messenger. I’m sure he’s not a bad guy. He just needed to comply with his requirements to check and see if I still lived at my current address. But the thing I’ve noticed is that he’s been showing up more frequently this past year. Way more than he ever did back in 2006 when I got out of prison. Four years later, and the intensity has only increased.
Leonidas, King of Sparta, kills the Persian messenger out of anger
I said a quick prayer after answering the buzzer, and then fell back asleep. I wasn’t going to let this ruin my day.
When I came back from church that afternoon, I checked my mail. It had been a couple of days since I had checked last. When I opened up the mailbox, there was a single letter propped up diagonally, waiting to be picked. It was plump, and didn’t feel like a bill.
I didn’t recognize the return address, but in red lettering it marked:
URGENT: New law affects YOU!
Immediately my heart started to race. I double checked the return address to see if it was from the police department. It wasn’t.
I wedged my finger between the fold and aggressively opened the letter, intently reading the document as I blindly walked up the three flights of stairs. The first paragraph opened with,
On May 5, Governor O’Malley signed legislation into law that will drastically impact your life. The law takes effect on October 1, 2010. We summarize the worst aspects of the new law below.
I felt light-headed as I pressed on, debating whether or not I could even bare to even keep reading. I’m not sure what I was feeling at the moment. Angry, desolate, hopeless, condemned, depressed, hatred, scared…they all took turns playing imaginary conversations in my head. I couldn’t decide whose voice I sided with more.
It took me three or four times to read through the eight page letter just to make sure I didn’t miss a beat. I kept hoping I would find a clause in there that absolved me in some way. I never found it. What I did find, however, was plenty of reform that did in fact affect me.
Apparently, there were 84 bills in all that targeted sex offenders this past January, and although many of them were stopped, most of them were not.
Needle
ss to say, I sat on my couch with tears streaming down my face for the rest of the day. I literally felt nauseous at the thought that I would be on stricter provisions than when I was on probation for a period of three years after being released from prison. I was just starting to feel like this part of my life was behind me. Instead, the “Adversary” (or Satan) had been working behind the scenes to sabotage my hope and joy, quickly pushing me back into my prison cell of condemnation.
I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to disappear. No one understood how hopeless I felt. Not even my closest friends or even my sister. What was the point in reform? What was the point in following Christ and living for Him if there was nothing to gain?
I didn’t really believe that those things were pointless of course, but admittedly those thoughts ran through my head, and I cried out to God while on my hands and knees, begging for Him to save me from my own self-destruction. I was reaching my breaking point.
The next morning, I literally yelled at myself to get out of bed. I’m not one to talk to myself like some crazy person, but I just didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t going to lose this battle, not without a fight.
I made my way to the living room couch to have my daily time with God. My eyes were still puffy from the day before and I didn’t feel like reading the bible, but I knew I had to. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite since I’m always telling my Lifegroup to “press on and be disciplined in reading your bible even when you don’t feel like it”. I’m glad I’ve been telling them this for the past year…because it reminded me that I needed to heed my own advice.
I had been reading the book of Daniel for the past week, and that morning, I had come across Chapter 6 – Daniel in the Lion’s Den. And even though I knew the story well enough to recite it to someone who wasn’t familiar, I had no idea what God was about to reveal to me. I would encourage you to read it in full.
There were several things that jumped out to me, and I broke down with tears of joy as I read it. This was a message for ME. God was speaking to me through this passage, and it was no coincidence that I was reading it for perhaps the first time in my life. I had always heard the story told, but never read it for myself. Here’s what I learned:
rom the bottom of society as a slave, to the second most powerful man over a kingdom. Jealous of his power and position, governmental authorities plotted against him and influenced laws that they knew would affect righteous people like Daniel. (see Daniel 6:1-9) How did this speak to me? Political figures are often corrupted by their desire for power. As a result, they will occasionally create laws that are not in the best interests of the general public, but are rather suited to serve their own agendas. Don’t get me wrong, who wants sexual predators unmonitored on the streets right? However, the reality is that these increasingly harsher laws are doing nothing to solve the problem. The fact is that it’s not quite as rampant a problem as the media would make it out to believe. (see my post: Seat’s Taken for stats on sex offender recidivism)
dvised him to put a law into effect, he blindly trusted their authority without paying much attention to the implications of the new law. If he had he taken the time to think it through, he likely would not have followed through on creating such a destructive law because it would have affected his most trusted adviser and friend. (Daniel 6:9, 14)
Instead, these laws will simply become dormant and overlooked, but they are still there for prosecution if someone decides to follow the letter of the law. Chances are, you have broken dozens of laws and weren’t even aware of it.The laws have been established…often by misguided individuals. These laws often do not consider the far reaching implications and ramifications – nor do many people care. And in some cases, there are political pundits that are simply looking to take an aggressive stand on an issue that they know will win popularity. They are not seeking to put these laws in effect for any other reason than their own political careers. Similarly, “the royal administrators, prefects, satraps, advisers and governors have all agreed that the king should issue an edict and enforce the decree” (verse 7) because they were jealous of Daniel’s power and influence. So they set out to bring him down in order for their own gain.
When we cry out to God and share with Him our pains, He hears us. As a caring father, he cares about the pains we go through and won’t allow us to go through trials without a purpose. I LOVE how He spoke to me through this Word. I don’t know if you can see how God spoke to me through this Word or not, but for me, it was another example of His love, grace, mercy, and His living power. I am continually reminded of the promise of Romans 8:28 that states that “all things work together for the good of those who love Him”, but here’s another promise that He has given me:
Because you got a double dose of trouble and more than your share of contempt, Your inheritance in the land will be doubled and your joy go on forever. (Isaiah 61:7, The Message)
So I say BRING IT Satan! The more you bring, the more I will inherit!
What a powerful word from Steve Rivera last night at Axis! One thing that really popped out to me was his reference to Jeremiah 1:4-10. Like Moses, and so many others, Jeremiah did not feel prepared to do what God had called him to do – but God saw something different. He saw and knew something that Jeremiah did not.
God has a vision that we often don’t have. But when we gain that insight, and act in obedience, the result is powerful.
Take a look at this video. Christopher Coleman is living out the vision that God has called him to live, despite all odds.
Pronounced dead at birth, listen to the inspiring story of Christopher Coleman
What is God calling you to do? Are you asking God, “Are you serious? Have you looked at me lately?” Remember, it’s not what you’re capable of doing on your own, it’s what you’re capable of doing through Christ – He is the one that makes us somebody.
-Nathan Fitzgerald
College was a unique experience, or depending on who you’re asking, maybe not so “unique”.
The transition from high school to college was a big one. I went from being a big fish in a small pond, to being a small fish in a big pond. I was no longer one of the smart kids at school. I had become “average” overnight. I received my first “F” on an exam in the history of my educational career, and received my first “C” and eventually “D” for a class, which was a HUGE blow to my confidence. And all of that was happening while studying harder than I had ever studied IN MY LIFE.
From an athletic standpoint, despite my being labeled as the #1 recruit for Bucknell’s soccer team, I found myself sitting on the bench faster than I could lace up my cleats. The athletes were bigger, faster, and meaner than I had ever seen. Division I was no joke. I didn’t know people could shoot so hard.
And then there was the social scene…
High school was great. I made First Team All-State despite Frederick High School’s notoriety for being brawlers, not soccer players. I was in the top 10% of our class academically, taking AP classes galore. I was in tight with our principal, and had plenty of attention from a popularity standpoint. To illustrate the point, for homecoming my junior year in high school, I found myself in a situation where my best friend and I were interested in the same girl. Unbeknownst to each other’s proposals, we had both asked her to the dance. It was only a matter of time before we found out of each other’s mutual interest in her, and when she was slow to make a decision on who she was going to choose, we decided to drop her, and instead take four of the hottest girls we could find as our dates. We succeeded.
But when I got to Bucknell, that whole landscape had changed.
I was a nobody.
I had to rediscover myself all over again. For some people, this was a blessing. For me, it was a curse. For those who were a nobody in high school, they had the opportunity to become somebody because they had a clean slate. But for me, I had to reprove myself all over again. And my entire freshman year was about reproving myself to others, as well as to myself.
Then I had my big break. One day, my RA (resident assistant) came up to me and personally invited me to a big party his fraternity was hosting. It was one of their biggest parties of the year – Hawaiian Night. And this wasn’t just any fraternity…this was THE fraternity, and they had a reputation for having the best parties with the hottest chicks. Anybody who was somebody got invited to their events. I quickly called up my buddies from the soccer team to see if they had been invited as well. A few of them had.
The night of the party, we all got ready together while listening to music in our dorm rooms. We were excited and nervous at the same time – it was a rush.
You could hear the life of the party as we neared the fraternity house. The line was long, but we waited with anticipation as we heard the pounding woofers blaring from the house. And as we got closer and closer to the doorstep, we could feel our hearts pounding out of our shirts in sync with the beat.
Get out!
You’re not on the F’in list!
We all looked up with bewilderment as we watched a group of guys getting denied at the door. Ryan, Rob, and I looked at each other in terror as we watched several fraternity brothers crowd around as bouncers, practically pushing the kids off of the porch.
Would we be on the list? Of course we would…we were personally invited by Justin who was secretary of the house. But what if we weren’t? The three of us started to panic.
What’s your name?
One by one, the three of us gave our names as we watched intensely as he scanned down his tablet of sacred names, hoping to have our name scratched off the list. He flipped the page…still no sign of our names. He flipped another page…still no names. And when he reached the end of the list, he looked up and said politely,
Sorry guys. You’re not on the list. We don’t know you.
In a last ditch effort to reclaim our night, we protested by explaining how we were invited by Justin. “He’s my RA!”. It didn’t matter though. The list was the list, and they didn’t make exceptions (at least not for freshmen guys).
Having witnessed the scene moments before, we decided to leave quickly and quietly. We didn’t want to make matters worse than they already were. So we kicked rocks as we walked back to our dorms, venting and vowing that we would never be like that one day – JERKS!
But as I read Matthew 7:21-23 and prepared our Lifegroup for this study, I couldn’t help but think about my experience in college.
“Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'”
– Matthew 7:21-23
I can just see myself now…
“but God…I led a Lifegroup for years, and I volunteered all the time for our church. I attended every church service I could attend…and I even raised my hands when I worshiped. Anyone will tell you, I have a great reputation – they know I love you. They’ve even told me how inspired they were by my passion for you…Remember? I was even on the big screen promoting Axis Young Adults for our church during Easter weekend! How can you say you don’t know me?”
It’s a scary thought…to get to the door of eternal life and find out you’re not on the list. It’s scary to think that I could be that guy who thought he was on the list, but God will say
I never knew you.
Away from me, you evildoers!
That’s the christian way of saying, “Get off of my F’in porch!”
Ouch!
Tuesday night’s message was a good reminder that we shouldn’t get too comfortable in thinking we are good to go.
In a message to the church in Sardis (Revelation 3:1-6), they are reminded and warned of the consequences for faking their faith. They may have started out on fire and passionate…and that’s probably where they developed a “reputation of being alive”; but the reality was that they were actually dead in their faith.
This week, I came across this video by Francis Chan, and it was hilariously yet frighteningly on point with how we view ourselves and our calling in life. Is it possible that this group of people is who God was talking to when He said “you are dead”?
Are these “Christians” faking it? Do you or I ever “fake” our Christianity?
Consider this – there are times when we have to fake it. For example, we may not “feel” like worshiping God one day, so we don’t want to raise our hands in worship. Do it anyway. We may not “feel” like praying for weeks at a time. Do it anyway. We may not want to serve and help others in need. Do it anyway.
Fake it till you make it.
The statement doesn’t just read, “Fake it”…there’s a second half of that statement that is vital…”till you make it”. Being authentic in your faith doesn’t mean that you don’t do things you don’t feel like doing…it often means that you do.
The Calm Before the Storm 