The first time I decided to take a big leap of faith for God, I was living off of my credit card and living at home – as a 28 yr old. I had just gotten out of prison, and I had no prospects. Where was I going to work? What company was going to take me? I was such a loser.
Then, an opportunity fell into my lap. It was risky, and it by no means was a sure thing, but what did I have to lose at that point, right? So I became a “headhunter” or a “recruiter” for the retail industry. What did I know about recruiting for retail management positions? NOTHING. I didn’t even have a computer or a phone at that point.
Did I mention it was a 100% commission job?
I started hitting the phones in August, made my first “placement” in October, and didn’t receive my first commission check until January of 2007. I made three placements in October ’06 that netted me a check of just over $9,600 (hardly enough to survive for 6 months).
Ironically, it was right around that time that I began learning about tithing. Of course, as someone who had grown up going to church, I knew what “tithing” was, but I had never actually done anything with that knowledge. It just wasn’t practical. But the Holy Spirit was convicting me. I couldn’t escape those convicting thoughts telling me that I needed to tithe on the paycheck that I had just received.
I ran the numbers over and over again, and every time I ran it, I always came up negative. I simply could not afford to give God that first 10%. After all, I had taxes to take out, expenses to cover, and bills to pay. Surely, God wouldn’t expect me to give Him $960 that I didn’t have.
But the Holy Spirit kept convicting me – I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
So I set aside the money and put it in a separate bank account to be disbursed to my church once I figured out where and how I needed to send it. I decided to take that leap of faith and to obey, and I knew that God would honor that.
Every week, I went to church, and the offering plate crossed my path, and every week, I forgot to bring my check book. Consequently, that money sat in my bank account for nearly 2 months. One day, it finally dawned on me that even though I had made the decision to obey, and even though I had taken actions towards obedience, I had still not followed through completely. Once I came to that realization, I began to find all sorts of reasons (excuses) for why I couldn’t send that money. Bills were mounting, placements weren’t happening, and my faith was dwindling. But I knew what I had to do.
I had to let it go…
I went online one morning after prayer, asking God for the strength to follow through in obedience and let go of that money. Then, I went online, and made a contribution for the amount I had been holding. I exhaled deeply as I pressed send on my screen. This story had an amazing outcome by the way. Within 2 days of having followed through with that decision, I received a check in the mail that was within $20 of what I had tithed. Apparently, there had been an accounting error, and money was owed to me. Coincidence?
The reason I bring this story up is because I have recently found myself in a similar position. Some of you know that I have broken up with The Benz in February, and similar to my first tithing experience, it was a HUGE leap of faith. In fact, I would venture to say that this was (and is) the most confusing decision I have ever had to make in my life. It’s not like it made sense to break up with her. We weren’t fighting, we weren’t unhappy, she wasn’t in a bad place spiritually, and neither was I. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We had reached a break through, and I saw, more than ever, that this was a woman I wanted to marry. I was in awe of her growth and her desire to know our God. I was excited to see how God was speaking in our lives, and how He was the center of our relationship. But in early January, for some reason, I lost the Peace of God in our relationship, and nearly two months later, I had to make the hard decision to step out in faith and…
let it go…
You might be thinking,
but Nate, you broke up with her – you DID let her go.
And that’s what I had thought as well…but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was still holding her in a “separate account”, not quite willing to let her go all the way.
You see, the night I broke up with her, I lent her my car, and I told her that she could use it for as long as she needed to use it. My motivations or intentions were pure, but over time, they became a weight in my ability to let her go. I’ve since then come to learn that she hasn’t been using the car and that she was able to resolve her car “issues”; but despite that knowledge, I have not been eager to collect the keys because that would be giving her the impression that I’m closing the door once and for all.
So today, I’m getting together to talk with her and will be “sending my check” so to speak, and I’ll…
let her go
In Lifegroup last night, I asked for prayer to “let go and let God”. This morning, Lauren from my Lifegroup forwarded me this song that she heard on her way to work:
Let It Go
(lyrics by Tenth Avenue North)
I’ve been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They’ve gone white
I’m fighting for who I wanna be
I’m just trying to find security
But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go.
Well it’s hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there’s nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?
But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go
What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.
You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go
The Calm Before the Storm 
Well, I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t think that I could throw away something that is good in all areas including honorable to God. I struggle with issues also and am having a tremendous challenge and struggle right now. What do I let go? It seems to be in the process of being taken from me anyway? The only thing that I see to let go is my anger and I don’t seem to be able to let that go. How can I let that go when I don’t even see any hope?
Nathan, you seem to have grown very strong and even stronger than me.
Wow. That’s REAL stuff. I think a LOT of people can identify and relate with that. When things or people get taken from us, our natural reaction is to get upset…especially if God is the one doing the taking away.
But close your eyes and take a look back into your past as a father. Was there ever a time where you took something away from your child that they were really enjoying playing with? Why did you take it away? Were you just trying to pick on your kid and give them a hard time? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing that if you did something like that, it was because it wasn’t good for them.
Maybe you had every intention of giving them something better…something safer…something even more enjoyable. Think about a child’s “binky” or “security blanket”. Those things get nasty after a while, right?
And sometimes, things get taken away from us so that we can develop our character. Ewww…that’s not an option many of us care to hear about. But being put in situations to grow often takes a healthy shove from our parent. (think about a bird’s first shove out of the nest…that probably isn’t a fun experience).
How do you let go of something like anger? Well first of all, that’s amazing that you even recognize something like that in yourself. That takes a lot of humility to identify that. Anger is a hard thing to let go of…and to be honest, it’s been my experience that anger is not something “I” can let go – it’s something that God has to take from me. But the first step to allowing Him to take it from you is to honestly and fervently give it to him.
What do I do to get rid of my anger? I will find a quiet place where I won’t be disturbed or distracted. I turn off my cell phone, computer, and any other potential distractions. Then…sometimes, I will literally get on my knees and raise my hands to the sky, and I’ll begin talking to God…telling Him all the frustrations, pains, hurts, and irritations that I’m having. Then, I’ll ask Him over and over again to take those feelings away, and ask Him to give me HIS perspective.
It usually doesn’t happen overnight…but every time that I’ve done that, God has truly taken the anger away.
I love you dad. Focus on Jesus, and nothing else.
Wow, Man I am really proud of you. The “follow thru” can really be an act of faith especially when you don’t know what lies ahead or even when it seems hopeless. I know it’s not an easy thing. I look at the picture at the top of the blog. I can only imagine that her stomach is in her throat and she is paralyzed by fear at the moment. The actual moment of her letting go is so intense! It’s scary, and feels dangerous, unfamiliar and can even logically seem wrong. The song says it,” Well it’s hard enough to hear Harder still, to move beyond this fear”. But when you know that God is leading you and wants you to let go…PUSH THROUGH! WE have to do it regardless if we want to or not. I can only anticipate the “rush” that will come after you obey and see what God has in store. Obedience is a powerful thing as we see throughout the Bible. If God wants it he is going to take it, but when we hand it over willingly and listen, think about how proud and pleased we make HIM. He has our back.
Thanks, letting go is one of those things I feel like I have to do everyday. It happens a lot when something I think I let go of yesterday comes back to me with a new freshness today, then I have to make that decision to let it go again and pray for strength to do so…… AGAIN.
So Nate I was thinking about “grace and poise” until I read the excerpt about you throwing MPF’s wallet. Then I thought to myself, “I better find new words – he he. I went on to read Curt’s comment “at least you did not throw a phone or brick” and thought to myself “better to stay on Nate’s and Curt’s good side!!) ha ha ha. I got a good laugh out of that one, we all have our moments. So all this talk about emotions and flying missiles got me thinking a lot lately; you know I have never wanted to throw something at someone until recently, at my boss. There was a day a few weeks ago when I had enough of his crazy personality. I don’t know where the thought came from but I just wanted throw something at him to shut him up. I was shocked at myself – what on earth!!! I’ve been praying “Lord get me out of here, FAST. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Give me strength to hold on until my moment of freedom comes” So about the new words to replace “grace and poise” how about “The redeemed” Proverbs 24:16 “for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again…” All that remains, is God’s character (insert words like grace, poise and even peace that passes understanding here) shining through. That’s why all the glory goes to Him. The blogs are really interesting to read. I really like the way people are so forthright with both encouragement and correction.