Archive for the ‘Life Happens’ Category

We had plans

Posted: August 1, 2009 in epiphanies, Life Happens

We had plans.

Our missions trip to Peru was based on the notion that we would be digging wells for a community that needed access to cleaner water. What a cool thing to be doing. Meeting a need of the people, and showing God’s love by meeting that need. We even had cool T-shirts made that reflected our mission: H2O Axis Missions – Peru ’09

But that didn’t happen.

So we dealt with the change of plans and went with the flow of the circumstances; and we planned our next move. We ordered a box-load of lice shampoo as well as anti-parasite pills to hand out to a community in Iquitos. We split up into teams. One group to educate the people about the parasites found in the water and to administer the pills. Another group to shampoo the heads of the children. A group to entertain the children as they were waiting for the shampoo to work its magic. Yet another group to rinse the heads of the children after ten minutes. And then a group to comb the lice out of their tiny heads.

We were a well oiled machine.

These kids were adorable and still as water ran down their eyes and faces while we shampooed their tiny heads

These kids were adorable and still as water ran down their eyes and faces while we shampooed their tiny heads

I shampooed heads for at least four straight hours without a break. With five of us washing and working under the sun, we must’ve washed a minimum of 100 heads.

“Agachese”. I instructed the children as they straddled the mini chair in front of me. I was told that this meant “lower your head”. Whatever it was I said, they listened.  That was one thing that amazed me. It didn’t matter if they were two years old or if they were seventeen…they were all so obedient. It didn’t matter if they were a boy or a girl. They were obedient. It didn’t matter if they had ADD or if they were tired and hungry. They were obedient.

Peru Missions '09

Peru Missions '09 - rinsing

Peru Missions '09 - combing out lice

As the two of us sat there in silence while I washed their head (I don’t know any spanish), I thought to myself, why is it that a child who has lice in their hair, parasites in their body, bare feet, dirty and worn out clothes, and who knows what else…why is it that this child has such an obedient heart? What I came to realize was this: they have something that we as americans don’t have…they are poor. Yes, they are literally poor, but what I’m referring to is the fact that they are also poor in spirit. They are broken. But it’s that broken spirit that has them postured in such an obedient way (Psalm 51:17), and it’s that kind of obedience that will make them the inheritors of the earth.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Matthew 5:5 – The Message

But I digress.

We administered 173 anti-parasite pills that day. It’s not as though those pills saved their lives (although it could have helped their quality of life at least a little), but 87 people accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior that day. For those of us whose christianese radars just started beeping wildly, let me translate that – 87 people made the biggest and most life-changing decision of their lives that day! That’s crazy! That means that 1 in 2 people received what we had to say, and who’s to say that the rest of them won’t come into a relationship with Christ down the road? Again, here’s that obedient posture. They were receptive to God’s love.

This was big!

We had planned to do the same thing the next day. But the next morning, at 7:20am, while we were meeting to discuss the details of that day, our host leader got a phone call. There was a labor strike for transportation, which meant that we were stuck at the hotel. Our plans were foiled again.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

We didn’t waste a minute. Within an hour, we had split up into three teams to perform a song, skit, and bible drama for the purpose of performing them in the main town square of Iquitos and evangelize. This was not in the playbook.

Talk about an uncomfortable and stretching exercise. THIS was not my thing. Service projects? Yes. My thing. Evangelizing? Not my thing. I could feel the cold sweats forming, the tightening of the stomach muscles, the fake smile, the look of despair.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I kept repeating this to myself over and over again.

We performed four times that day. Three in the afternoon, and once at night. And each time, the crowds got bigger and bigger. We don’t know how many people we reached that day, but each member of that team can tell you a story about how a life was changed because of us being there.

Kids I played soccer with in the square

Kids I played soccer with in the square

We knew it then, but I see it even more clearly now, God had a perfect plan. He knew what was going to happen all along. It’s not that what we had planned was bad, but He had something better in store for us and for others. Satan may have tried to spoil our plans and throw us off course, but we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
neither are your ways my ways,” 
declares the LORD.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Have you had plans in your life that were good plans? Plans that were glorifying to God and from everything that you could tell, were according to His purpose? What happened to those plans? How did you respond? Did you stay at the hotel and stew about how your plans were foiled? Or did you continue to keep the lines of communication open with God and look to do His will where you were?

 

Where we began is where it all ended

Where we began is where it all ended

Ironic.

Last night, we ended up in the very place where we started – Denny’s. It was there where she tried to spit out the words that she wanted to be exclusive, and now it also marks the spot where we both made our peace offering to go our separate ways.

John Mayer’s song, My Stupid Mouth came to mind as we sat there in awkward silence. There was no chess playing of Salt & Pepper shakers, but we were both fixated on the tiny balls of napkin paper that we were molding. She made shredded strips of paper that were in a pile like a lumber stack. Mine was a twisted pretzel configuration that after all was said and done, looked like a conk shell.

In our differences, we are togetherness

Watching how different we were, even in our napkin rolling, had me thinking of our quote. I had envisioned engraving it inside her engagement ring. It was our identifying catch-phrase. It was meant to be a parody on Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (can there be a parody on a parody?). Now it’s just…

Ironic.

I look around and see the couples that started dating around the time we got together. Everyone would agree…we were the best couple. We were the happiest couple. And yet, we are the couple that didn’t make it. 

Ironic.

I told her that I felt like I made out like a bandit. I’m a different person now than when we started.  She taught me to love God with all my heart, and to pursue Him in everything that I do. I’ve gone on missions trips because of her influence. I’m leading a group of over twenty young adults each week, doing my best to share in my passion for Christ. I never thought I would see the day where that would happen. My temper and anger management issues have dissipated – not to nothingness, but at least from an 8 to a 3 on a Temperament Richter scale. I’ve become more generous in my time and wallet. And I’ve learned to love people that I often can’t stand. She taught me those things.

I’m a better man now. Funny how I can grow in these areas, and become a new creature, and now I’m not a fit for her anymore.

Ironic.

It’s crazy how the most meaningful relationship in my life, the most fulfilling, the most fun, and the one where the most growth took place, has been the only one to not leave me feeling devastated when it ended.

It should have. When this relationship ended, I should have been downright miserable. My mind should have been filled with thoughts of ways to die. I should have become jaded and bitter and marred from the damage that was caused in abandoning me. And while I’m sad that I lost my best friend, she gave me the most precious gift of all – God’s love. Through her, I have come to see God’s face up close and personal. How awesome is that?

We exchanged tears as we said our apologies and goodbyes. And by the end of our conversation, it was back to being comfortable and familiar. We were discussing Bernie Madoff. She brought him up. She wanted to show off her knowledge of current events. It stopped there. She didn’t know much about his current state of affairs after all. We had to chuckle.

It was a glimmer of hope that we could one day be friends again. But the reality in the short term is that we won’t be “friends” for quite some time. In a perfect world, we would be. And while I’m sure we’ll be friendly, the reality is that our world’s have shifted, and it is going to look a lot different now. I’m sad that such an amazing person won’t be a part of my life – at least not the way I had planned it – but I can honestly say I have no regrets.

It’s interesting how you can meet an amazing person, have an incredible relationship, be left feeling great about them, and in the end, NOT have it work out. Or perhaps that’s just…

Ironic.

Last night at Axis, I was reminded of God’s promise, and it filled me with hope and joy and a hunger for what is to come!

“For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

The call

Posted: July 15, 2009 in Life Happens

I woke up to a disturbing email yesterday morning. My mom’s not one to write long emails, but this one was definitely longer than usual. And why? Her close friend from work had gotten a call in the middle of the day from her mom saying that her brother was found dead in a motel room with beer cans everywhere. Apparently he was an alcoholic for years, and although everyone “knew” that death was a reality, no one really expected that this day would actually come.

Then, just 2 hours later, a close friend of mine told me how her friend was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer the day prior, and has been given a year to live. She’s 24 years old.

As I ran through these stories in my mind, I was instantly sent back in time to January of 2000. It was my senior year at Bucknell, and my roommates and I were playing Hearts while pounding beers. That was when I received the call. The call that everyone gets at least once in their life. The call that changes the world as you know it. This was just my first.

I couldn’t understand what my mom was saying. It was like she was speaking a different language…and it wasn’t Japanese. The boisterous laughing from my roommates suddenly faded out of focus. All I could hear was my mom…but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I did know it wasn’t good though. I could hear that the moment I picked up the phone.

It took me a few minutes to decipher that my sister had just been diagnosed with Leukemia. She was only 16 yrs old. A baby. “No! Tell me your kidding…Tell me your kidding!”, I kept saying that over and over again.

I don’t remember much after that point. I know that when I came out of the room that I had retreated to, everybody was looking at me with hushed wonder. They knew something was up, but they didn’t dare say a word.

I didn’t sleep much that night, despite the number of hours that I spent in bed. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t be consoled. I was going to lose my sister…my one and only sister. I believe it hit me harder than anyone in my family. I think I was the only one who realized that we may never see her again. Everyone else was so optimistic and in denial. I couldn’t understand what part of 25% of dying they didn’t understand. That meant that if I had four sisters, I would definitely lose one of them. That’s a fact. And losing one is always a 100% loss.

My mom ended her email to me with a thought that has entered each of our minds at least one time or another.

…We all know that our lives here on earth are so short and never know when God decides to end it, but how many of us really think about it often enough to try our best to live one day at a time?

This is a broken world, full of disappointments, heartache, injustice, and pain. These things are a given. They can not be avoided. On top of that, our life is short. Even 100 yrs is a blink of an eye…and how many of us get to experience that? This verse came to mind.

…you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

James 4:14

Most of us choose to go on through life dazed and confused by the beatings we take. We drown ourselves with “drugs” of distraction like work, money, addictions, or even relationships; but we rarely make our lives count for something eternal.

I’m thankful that my sister was diagnosed with cancer at age 16. That woke me up and made me realize how precious she was to me. She’s been my best friend ever since. And I believe she was blessed to be awakened at a young age as well. She’s out there saving lives as a doctor now (as of 1 month ago), and sharing God’s love to every person that she meets in life.

What has that phone call done for you?