Watch out for weeds

Posted: May 6, 2010 in Bible Study, Life Happens, Relationships
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Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of control and God can’t get there quick enough to save the day? Ever wonder why God hasn’t shown up yet, or wonder if He is even planning to show up?

I’m starting to shift my thinking. That is how I used to feel but now I’m really beginning to appreciate how God works. His timing is perfect!

… If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
Habakkuk 2:3

GOD is so on point!

This week’s Lifegroup was a testament to that fact. It was a breakthrough night for the United Nations Frederick.

You see, for a while now, I’ve been feeling that we’ve reached a bit of a plateau, so I started taking a deeper look into our group. When I started doing that, I started sensing that we haven’t been paying much attention to our own “gardens” lately, but I didn’t know how to address that to the group. Do I tackle it head on? Do I run the risk of offending people by showing them what I see? Do I let it go and just hope the problems go away? I didn’t know what to do.

Then, God answered my prayer by speaking through pastor Dale’s message this past weekend. He talked about identifying weeds in our life that will ultimately choke out our plant from being fruitful (Mark 4:7). It was the confirmation I needed to move forward, and it gave me a framework to address this issue AGGRESSIVELY, just like we should be aggressive about pulling weeds from our gardens. I don’t believe it was a coincidence that the “Watch out for weeds” sermon came at the time that it did.

We were in desperate need of gardening.

God used Tuesday night to speak to us individually about the weeds in our lives. Here are the weeds that people identified:

  • Self-righteousness (“I have a hard time seeing other people’s point of view…”)
  • Self-centeredness (“I like to do things MY way…”)
  • Pride (“I’m not going to be the one to apologize…”)
  • Resentment (“I can’t believe they haven’t reached out. And why did they do that? And then…”)
  • Anger (“I’m not even going to listen to you anymore. In fact, I might just leave”)
  • Fear/worry (“It prevents me from doing things”)
  • Complacency (“I find myself saying I’m going to do it, but then it doesn’t get done”)
  • Stubborness (“I just can’t do that unless they meet me halfway”)
  • Busy-ness (“I find myself making excuses (even if they are legitimate) for not doing certain things”)
  • Gossip (“I find satisfaction in knowing that I have information other people don’t have”)
  • Lip service (“I call myself a christian, but then I curse a lot when I’m around my co-workers”)
  • Lust (“It’s a constant battle for me to keep my thoughts pure and to fight from feeding my eyes”)

Then we took that a step further, and we talked about the weeds that are growing in our “Lifegroup garden”. Has our Lifegroup (plant) been choking and has its ability to bear fruit been affected as a results of weeds that have been growing in our garden?

Our group was quick to identify a prevalent weed:

Cliques

It’s ironic, because this is the one “weed” that our group had prided ourselves on not having. What initially drew people to our group was our warmth, our openness, and our welcoming atmosphere. But somehow, over time, we have become a clique. Even within our own group, cliques have formed.

It just goes to show that in the same way that weeds grow fast in a real garden, and it’s a constant process of keeping your garden free of weeds, we must constantly assess our spiritual health by pulling weeds from our life, even if we think we don’t have them. We almost always do – sometimes even the same types of weeds we’ve pulled before.

It was an intense night for us all. We were all convicted on some level. But as we identified and confessed our weeds to each other, burdens were lifted, hearts were softened, and love prevailed. There is no doubt that God’s presence was felt that night.

Praise God for intervening and convicting us ALL and softening our hearts to hear His message.

Think your garden is weed free?

Think twice. Those things grow faster than you think…and they are more destructive than you could imagine. What weeds do you have in your life?

You said let it go…

Posted: April 8, 2010 in epiphanies, Relationships, Trust
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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The first time I decided to take a big leap of faith for God, I was living off of my credit card and living at home – as a 28 yr old. I had just gotten out of prison, and I had no prospects. Where was I going to work? What company was going to take me? I was such a loser.

Then, an opportunity fell into my lap. It was risky, and it by no means was a sure thing, but what did I have to lose at that point, right? So I became a “headhunter” or a “recruiter” for the retail industry. What did I know about recruiting for retail management positions? NOTHING. I didn’t even have a computer or a phone at that point.

Did I mention it was a 100% commission job?

I started hitting the phones in August, made my first “placement” in October, and didn’t receive my first commission check until January of 2007. I made three placements in October ’06 that netted me a check of just over $9,600 (hardly enough to survive for 6 months).

Ironically, it was right around that time that I began learning about tithing. Of course, as someone who had grown up going to church, I knew what “tithing” was, but I had never actually done anything with that knowledge. It just wasn’t practical. But the Holy Spirit was convicting me. I couldn’t escape those convicting thoughts telling me that I needed to tithe on the paycheck that I had just received.

I ran the numbers over and over again, and every time I ran it, I always came up negative. I simply could not afford to give God that first 10%. After all, I had taxes to take out, expenses to cover, and bills to pay. Surely, God wouldn’t expect me to give Him $960 that I didn’t have.

But the Holy Spirit kept convicting me – I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So I set aside the money and put it in a separate bank account to be disbursed to my church once I figured out where and how I needed to send it. I decided to take that leap of faith and to obey, and I knew that God would honor that.

Every week, I went to church, and the offering plate crossed my path, and every week, I forgot to bring my check book. Consequently, that money sat in my bank account for nearly 2 months. One day, it finally dawned on me that even though I had made the decision to obey, and even though I had taken actions towards obedience, I had still not followed through completely. Once I came to that realization, I began to find all sorts of reasons (excuses) for why I couldn’t send that money. Bills were mounting, placements weren’t happening, and my faith was dwindling. But I knew what I had to do.

I had to let it go…

I went online one morning after prayer, asking God for the strength to follow through in obedience and let go of that money. Then, I went online, and made a contribution for the amount I had been holding. I exhaled deeply as I pressed send on my screen. This story had an amazing outcome by the way. Within 2 days of having followed through with that decision, I received a check in the mail that was within $20 of what I had tithed. Apparently, there had been an accounting error, and money was owed to me. Coincidence?

The reason I bring this story up is because I have recently found myself in a similar position. Some of you know that I have broken up with The Benz in February, and similar to my first tithing experience, it was a HUGE leap of faith. In fact, I would venture to say that this was (and is) the most confusing decision I have ever had to make in my life. It’s not like it made sense to break up with her. We weren’t fighting, we weren’t unhappy, she wasn’t in a bad place spiritually, and neither was I. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We had reached a break through, and I saw, more than ever, that this was a woman I wanted to marry. I was in awe of her growth and her desire to know our God. I was excited to see how God was speaking in our lives, and how He was the center of our relationship. But in early January, for some reason, I lost the Peace of God in our relationship, and nearly two months later, I had to make the hard decision to step out in faith and…

let it go…

You might be thinking,

but Nate, you broke up with her – you DID let her go.

And that’s what I had thought as well…but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was still holding her in a “separate account”, not quite willing to let her go all the way.

You see, the night I broke up with her, I lent her my car, and I told her that she could use it for as long as she needed to use it. My motivations or intentions were pure, but over time, they became a weight in my ability to let her go. I’ve since then come to learn that she hasn’t been using the car and that she was able to resolve her car “issues”; but despite that knowledge, I have not been eager to collect the keys because that would be giving her the impression that I’m closing the door once and for all.

So today, I’m getting together to talk with her and will be “sending my check” so to speak, and I’ll…

let her go

In Lifegroup last night, I asked for prayer to “let go and let God”. This morning, Lauren from my Lifegroup forwarded me this song that she heard on her way to work:

Let It Go

(lyrics by Tenth Avenue North)

I’ve been holding on so tight
Look at these knuckles
They’ve gone white
I’m fighting for who I wanna be
I’m just trying to find security

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go.

Well it’s hard enough to hear
Harder still, to move beyond this fear
We know there’s nothing I can bring,
So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

What do I love?
What do I hate?
What will I lose?
What will I gain?
How do I save my soul?
What if I bend?
What if I break?
What will it cost?
What will it take?
For you to save my soul.

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul

You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one to lose control
You say you will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You say let it go, You say let it go

Guy’s weekend in Mennonite country

Posted: March 2, 2010 in Randomness, Videos
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I was having a rough week, so the guys decided to cheer me up with a good old fashioned guys weekend. But this was no typical guys weekend…

We left Saturday morning and headed for my friend’s parent’s place. When we arrived, we were greeted by nearly a dozen Baby Boomers. Apparently they were having a reunion of sorts…a 25 yr or 30 yr reunion (I can’t remember what the time frame was) for a mission’s group that they served in down in Louisiana.

Our original plan was to go skiing that afternoon when we arrived, but we were soon engrossed in the faith based conversation and couldn’t tear ourselves away. It was like a roundtable of wise spiritual counselmen – so we postponed our ski trip for the next morning. So that we wouldn’t miss church that weekend, we went to LCBC’s (Lives Changed By Christ) Saturday evening service and heard a message on ‘the Men that God designed us to be’. How appropriate for a guys weekend…

But let’s take a step back to before our guy’s weekend began. Humble Franco thought it appropriate to share his skills with me and C-dog. Here’s an email he sent to us:

I don’t want to intimidate you guys but I attached a couple pics of me skiing.

Best Regards,

Franco Saladino

So I decided to unveil my secret:

Franco,
Don’t worry. Those photos don’t really intimidate me. It’s just a little weird that you’re going to wear those tights though. Oh, and the other photo is just a picture of someone else anyway. There’s no proof its you. Here are some REAL photos of me thrashing the mountain that will intimidate you though.

Nathan Fitzgerald


It was only appropriate at that juncture for C-dog to show us his skills. He emailed us the following photo. He was a little more humble.

We struggled to get up by 8am and out the door on Sunday morning, but when we finally made it to the slopes, it was the perfect end to the perfect guys weekend.

Journey down the mountain with us through our videos:

Guy’s weekend in Mennonite country included our Olympic debut at Round Top ski resort in Pennsylvania. Here’s a goofy video of me videoing myself as we go down the mountain.

Check out the major air that Franco caught as he hit his very first ramp at the snowboard park. He’s a natural athlete.

 

After a long day of skiing, Franco decides to take a nap on a soft bed of ice.

Lifegroup Bible Study: HOW TO TAP INTO GOD’S PEACE

Posted: February 22, 2010 in Bible Study, Relationships, Trust
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Have you ever been in a state of panic?

I’m not talking about the type of panic that you experience when you’re trying to figure out what to wear on your date. I’m talking about true panic…the kind that literally paralyzes you (or causes you to behave in a way you’ve never behaved before). I’m talking about the kind of panic that has you staring at death (as you see it).

With that said, I’m going to be 32 yrs old this week, and I’m staring death in the face!

Ok, that’s being dramatic, and I’m totally kidding (about me staring death in the face), but I do recall a time several years ago where I literally thought I was going to die.

I was off the coast of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and had just jumped into the water with flippers, goggles, and snorkel gear in tact. My world was practically in mute, except for the deafening muffled sound of my suppressed breathing. I was Darth Vader. I had never snorkeled in my life, and here I was, abandoned by my friends and family and immersed in a foreign world.

To my right was the boat. Within ten feet of me was an idling propeller, keeping the boat from drifting into the cliff nearby. I kept envisioning getting sucked under the propeller and becoming bait. To my left was a coral cliff, with waves crashing into it like a round of punches from the Russian boxer, Ivan Drago in the movie Rocky IV. Beneath me was a world of creatures I’ve never met in person before. For all I knew, sharks and Piranhas were waiting for my tasty dangling feet (yes, I know that Piranhas are freshwater fish, but when you’re panicking, all logic is out the door). And then there was the plastic contraption in my mouth that was force feeding me filthy, feces infested salted water, taunting me with thoughts of death by drowning.

Did I mention I’m not a good swimmer? And no, I did NOT have a life vest on. My girlfriend at the time was a former Division I swimmer that had been olympic bound. I wasn’t about to humiliate myself that way too.

Well, this must have been the sort of panic that was robbing the peace of the Israelites as they were sandwiched between an army of Egyptians and a large body of water. They had no where to go, and they were facing imminent death (or slavery).

So, what was their reaction?

In Exodus 14:11, you’ll see that they turned on their leader, Moses. After all, they were terrified.They had plenty to say:

Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!

Do you think they were panicked? Do you think they feared for their lives?

Now, let’s look at this from Moses’ perspective. How must he have been feeling? Well, its speculated that there were approximately 2-3 million Israelites that followed him out of Egypt…so you tell me. Would you have been scared if even 100 people wanted to kill you? Moses had many more angry and terrified people regretting their decision to follow him.

But this was his response:

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

Seriously? That was Moses’ response? Have you ever told someone who was panicking for their life to stop panicking and to be still? That’s not going to help you if you’re trying to save a drowning person, so what gave him confidence to say this to them?

WHY WAS MOSES AT PEACE?

If you read Exodus 14, you’ll notice a few things.

  1. God didn’t tell the Israelites His plan. He only told Moses.
  2. God didn’t reveal every detail of His plan, but He did give him a promise.
  3. God instructed Moses to do something crazy (verses 2-4)
  4. Moses Obeyed

Isn’t that interesting? God didn’t tell the Israelites what He told Moses. Why do you think that is?

I don’t know much about those Israelites (and neither do we), but we know a lot more about Moses and his character. We know that he loved God. We also know that he was tight with God. They were homeboys. They had a bond. And when you have a relationship that strong, you become privy to knowledge that someone “outside the circle” won’t know, and that brings peace of mind.

So what can we learn from this?

THERE ARE (4) KEY ELEMENTS TO GETTING PEACE IN OUR LIVES

  1. The stronger our RELATIONSHIP with God, the greater the peace we experience in our lives. (see Ephesians 2:12-16, Psalm 29:11)
  2. You can’t have a relationship without communication. If we are going to communicate with God, we must PRAY. (see Phillippians 4:4-9)
  3. A relationship without TRUST has no peace. (see Isaiah 26:3)
  4. We must OBEY God if we want peace in our lives. (see Isaiah 57:2, Psalm 85:8)

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND

Remember, God spoke to Moses because he had a close relationship with him. If you’re not hearing God’s whispers, maybe your not that tight with Him. Moses was always communicating with God. And over time, as that relationship grew, Moses gained trust in God’s word, power, and character.

But keep in mind, God didn’t give Moses the play-by-play. He didn’t tell Moses HOW he was going to save them, He just said he would save them. It ultimately required Moses to step out in faith and obey God in order to see God’s promise realized.

Wanting God’s peace in your life? Are you finding that you exhibit more characteristics of an Israelite in times of panic? Or are you like Moses? Focus on your relationship with God by praying, trusting, and obeying Him, then you’ll experience God’s peace in your life.

Lifegroup Bible Study: HOW TO TAP INTO GOD’S POWER

Posted: February 1, 2010 in Bible Study
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Several years ago, I was really into poker. And when I say I was really into poker, I WAS REALLY INTO POKER.

I would drive to DC on a Friday night and hang out at my friend Ben’s house, sitting around a table and shuffling cards with four other guys while watching reruns of the World Poker Tournament (WPT) in the background.

The more we played, the more we were hooked, and eventually we had to experience the real thing. So we made a trek to AC (Atlantic City).

Some people love the atmosphere…the pinging and zinging of slot machines in the background, the cheesy outfits, the smell of burning pockets.

Me? I’ve always loved the feel of the felt tables. The way the chips make a faint dull thud when they land in front of you. The way you can press your fingers under the cards to lift them up just high enough to peak at the surprise underneath. Would it be Ace / King or Deuce / Seven? Pocket Rockets or a same suit set?

So when we came back from our AC adventure (I lost $300), I made it my mission to make a poker table. I wanted to bring that experience home. Sure I could have bought one online for $150, but what was the fun in that? I’ve always enjoyed being a creator and I usually appreciate a good challenge. And since I was without a job and heading for prison, I welcomed the distraction. I figured it would take my mind off of things.

So the first thing I did was plan. I went to a local billiards supply store and scoped out the high end poker tables. I obviously couldn’t afford a $2,000 poker table, but I figured that I might be able to pick up a few tips just by observing what was out there.

But this poker table had to be transportable and it had to be able to fit into my trunk. Getting the guys to drive to Frederick from DC would have never happened on a regular basis, so I knew I needed to bring the table to them. So when I got home, I began drawing up some plans, and using techniques from my internship at an architectural firm from when I was in High School. My schematics produced a solid wood, folding, transportable poker table with a padded felt surface. A one-of-a-kind poker table that couldn’t be bought in any store.

I looked around the garage and searched for any tools that I thought might be applicable for the project. I found a table saw, jig saw and power drill. As far as I knew, I had everything I needed to get this project under way.

I was anxious to get started. I couldn’t wait to make my first cut. Surprisingly, it didn’t take me very long. The actual construction of the poker table only took me about seven hours to build. But if I didn’t have the right tools in my garage, if I didn’t know how to use them properly, and if I didn’t possess the initiative to follow through and actually build that poker table, it would never have happened.

So this week, as I was preparing for our bible study for lifegroup, I was thinking about the lives of its members, and the challenges we were all facing. Many of us are facing addictions of sorts – things that we want to change but can’t seem to make happen. For some of us it’s pornography or lust, or impatience and irritability towards others. Some of us are struggling with trusting others because of the betrayals that we’ve experienced from people that were close to us, and others have been struggling with trusting in God’s perfect timing for things in our lives. The bottom line is that we each recognized that we all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), and we all have a need for tapping into God’s power to create something beautiful.

Ever notice how we are well intentioned and talk a lot about change? We talk a lot about becoming someone or something, and yet it rarely ever happens. We go to conferences, we read self-help books, and we are told to get rid of bad habits, to stop thinking and being negative. And sometimes, we have the will power to break out of these cycles for a short time, but usually we just fall right back into our mold. Our projects never quite get off the ground. They remain in the planning stages of our minds. Sometimes we get motivated enough to even gather the supplies and begin the project, but we don’t finish them because we get exhausted with the process.

So what does it take? How do we change?

I thought about the process of building a poker table and began to think that it’s not all that different from how we should go about changing our lives. There are practical steps you need to take to building a poker table, and similarly, there are (6) practical steps (required steps) to building a life that is pleasing to God.

1) YOU NEED A PLAN:  You need to know what you’re building before you start a project. Spiritually speaking, the Bible is our blueprint for how we should live our lives. It shows us what we should be working towards, and gives us hope that change is possible. Psalm 119:105 tells us that “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

2) IDENTIFY WHAT TOOLS YOU’RE GOING TO USE – You need to ask yourself,

What resources has God placed in my life?

God has given each of us gifts. He has equipped us with the necessary tools (1 Corinthians 1:7). So it’s not a question of whether we have enough tools available to us to make necessary changes in our lives.  The Bible says that we’re not lacking any.

3) KNOW HOW TO USE THE TOOL: read the manual (the Bible). Be honest with yourself. How are you using the “tools” that God has given you? For his glory? Or for yours? If it’s for yours, it’s not being used as intended, which means that it won’t be as effective. Think of it this way. If you had a jig saw, and you were using it to cut wood, how effective would that tool be if it wasn’t plugged into the electrical socket? Are you using that tool correctly if you don’t plug it in? 1 Peter 4:10 says that “each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.”

How do I know how to use the tools that God has given me?

Just ask. Yeah, it’s that simple. Read the manual (the Bible), and ask God how He wants you to use the tools He has given you. James 1:5 says that “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

4) PLUG THE POWER TOOL INTO ITS SOURCE: A tool is virtually worthless without a power source (you can’t do it in your own strength…you need the Holy Spirit. Imagine using a power drill, jig saw, or table saw, but without electricity).

What is the power source we should be plugging into in order to use our tools more effectively?

Philippians 4:13 says that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (see also Colossians 1:15-17). And Romans 8:1-2 says “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.

How do we we know that there is power in Jesus Christ?

Just take a look at the the sick woman who touched Jesus’ robe (Mark 5:21-34). Jesus instantly notices and says, “someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me” (Luke 8:46). Interesting choice of words, “power has gone out from me”. Sounds kind of like an electrical socket to me.

5) USE THE TOOL – It’s one thing to acknowledge the power, it’s another to have faith and put it into action. I wouldn’t have gotten very far if I hadn’t actually picked up the jig saw or drill and started cutting away. I could have acknowledge that those tools would get the job done, all day long, but if I hadn’t taken action to use them, there would be no poker table built by me. Similarly, the sick woman not only acknowledged the power of Jesus, she believed. Then she took that belief and put it to action. If she never took action, she would never have been healed.

Scripture tells us that it’s not enough to believe. Even the demons believe (James 2:19). And it was Jairus’ belief in Jesus’ power and his action to pursue Christ for help that healed his sick daughter (Luke 8:40-42; 49-55)

6) PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT: Do you think that a carpenter becomes great at his craft after his first project in his career? No way! It takes many years of practice and repetition to build beautifully crafted objects (unless, of course, you are me, and you build a beautiful poker table on your first try). Similarly, we shouldn’t get disappointed and discouraged when we don’t change overnight. In fact, you should expect scars and injuries along the way.

The important thing to remember is that with God’s power, change is made. We are reminded in Colossians 1:29 “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me” and that “the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10).

We will become tired and weak, but “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:29-31)

So here’s a final question that I’d like to see you answer on this blog.

What would happen if you 1) had a plan, 2) identified what tools you had, 3) knew how to use those tools, 4) used those tools, and 5) practiced, BUT didn’t plug those tools into the power source? Do you think you would be able to complete your project?


The Commander Strikes Again

Posted: December 9, 2009 in Life Happens, What would Jesus do?
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He struck again.

I was just about to pull out of my neighborhood when I saw the dark unmarked “Commander” zooming down the road in my direction from the left hand side. I had one of those split second conversations in my head, trying to determine whether or not I should pull out in front, or if I should just let him go first.

My car jerked to a stop as I waited patiently for the officer to drive by. Although I couldn’t be sure, I was fairly certain it was my “good friend” MD State Trooper, officer Sasse.

I turned my head to the side, hoping he wouldn’t recognize my face in a new car. I had just bought a new (black) sports car two months prior, and was hoping to go unnoticed by him for as long as possible.

I nearly turned right after he passed, but at the last second, decided to turn left and take a loop around the neighborhood before making my way to work. The last time I pulled in behind him from this very spot, he decided to pull me over for an illegal window tint (which was actually the legal Maryland limit of 35%).

The truth is this time, I hadn’t affixed the front tag onto the bumper yet, and I didn’t want to give this guy any reason to pull me over.

I bought myself about five minutes as I looped around the neighborhood. When I got onto 144, the “Commander” was no where to be seen. Traffic was unusually dense though.

I was on the phone with my buddy Curt, talking him through the events that just occurred. Then, as I came down the hill over the ridge, I saw him parked in the Park & Ride. He was out of his car, placing what looked to be tickets on cars that were for sale in the lot.

Oh my gosh! There he is!

I exclaimed to Curt as I desribed was Officer Sasse was doing.

It was at that moment that Officer Sasse looked up in my direction. It was as if he heard me from within my car, about 100 yards away.

Could he have seen me? Did he recognize me? I reasoned with myself that it was not likely, especially since I was driving a new car. Besides, he couldn’t possibly have recognized me from that far away. I was just being paranoid.

Traffic was a crawl, and by the time I got closer to the light, it had turned red.

I’m not sure what compelled me to turn my head to the right at that moment, but when I did, I noticed the front of an unmarked car that was lurking behind some trees that divided the road I was on with the Park & Ride.

What the crap! Is that him? How in the world could that be him? I just saw him out of his car 30 seconds ago!

Curt was just listening to my rants as I communicated my observations. I slowly turned my head back to the traffic in front of me, hoping not to draw attention to myself.

Moments later, the “Commander” pulled out from behind the trees and zoomed ahead in the right hand lane that would ordinarily spit him out onto I-70 going eastbound.

I’m either being paranoid, and he didn’t see me, or he’s just zoomed by getting ready to pull me over up ahead.

The traffic light seemed longer than usual. From what I could tell, the light had turned green, but the cars in front of me weren’t moving. Break lights started flickering, and the cars in front began to crawl. As I inched forward, I realized why.

Officer Sasse had parked his car and gotten out of his vehicle to start waving cars, one-by-one, through the traffic light. When he got to my car, he pointed at me with his accusing finger and waved me to pull over behind his car.

Well, you’re not going to believe this Curt, but he just pulled me over.

Good morning officer. How are you doing?

I said with as pleasant a voice as I could muster up.

I’m working.

I muzzled an “I can see that” under my breath as I reached for my license and registration.

“I noticed you didn’t have your front tags” he said in his smug tone.

“I’m really sorry about that officer” I said. “I just bought this car recently and the previous owner didn’t have the front tag affixed. I’ve been meaning to install it, but admittedly, it just hasn’t been much of a priority for me. I’m really sorry about that. It’s actually in the trunk, and if you have a screwdriver, I would be happy to put it on for you right now if you’d like”

“Can you show me that it’s in your trunk” he asked. No doubt he was hoping to catch me in a lie.

“Absolutely. Let me show you.” With that, I got out of my car, popped my trunk, and pulled out the bracket with plate.

“Hold on.” Officer Sasse took my bracket, license and registration with him to his car and started his routine. I called the Benz to alert her of my misfortune and asked for prayer.

Officer Sasse came back with a fine of $60. “MVL #13-411 (a) “Fail to Attach Plates at Front & Rear”.

I let him run through his spiel about the ticket and fine and right to go to court, and when he was finished, he asked if I had any questions.

Have you heard of Church of the Redeemer? You should check it out sometime.

Officer Sasse looked at me kind of funny (or at least with a little pause), and then he referred back to the ticket as if I had never said anything.

I’m being serious. I would love to have you come check out Church of the Redeemer with me sometime.

This time, he was more equipped for my comment.

We’re not talking about that.

I clearly wasn’t getting through. So I tried a different approach.

Sir, I just don’t understand why you have the need to pull me over repeatedly for stupid things. I don’t think it’s commonplace to pull the same person over on the same road multiple times within the span of a few months.

Eager to jump in say something important, officer Sasse responded with a,

Well actually, there’s this one guy who I’ve pulled over 5 or 6 times within that same time frame. I don’t know what his problem is. But anyway…

I was slightly caught off guard. I bit my lip as I refrained from muttering a “maybe his problem is YOU” comment.

The thing is (I continued), I don’t understand what you have against me. I know it’s not common to be pulled over for these types of things. But it’s clear that you have a thing for giving me a hard time.

I could tell he didn’t like where I was going with this.

I’m not giving you a hard time. I’ve seen a history of these registration violations, and that’s why I’m pulling you over. When you turned right out of your neighborhood, and when I looked in my rear view mirror, I noticed that you didn’t have a front tag. That’s why I pulled you over.

What a liar! Unbelievable. I wasn’t going to let him go that easy. In as calm a voice as I could muster, I said,

Sir, I never turned a right out of my neighborhood. I turned a left. So you couldn’t have seen me in your rear view mirror to notice that I didn’t have a license plate on the front. I realize that I screwed up this time with not having a front tag, but as I told you, I just bought this car and…

A play by play of the Officer Sasse's hunt

Officer Sasse cut in again,

Yeah. I noticed you had a new car when I drove by you. I saw you were on the phone, and I thought to myself, ‘looks like he got a new car’.

This was my chance to bring the point home.

You see. That’s the point. You weren’t concerned about my tag, you just wanted to give me a hard time. You recognized me in a new car, and you jumped at the opportunity to pull me over. But for what? I know you’re technically just doing your job, but I know you have more important things to be doing than pull me over all the time.

I’m being serious, you should really come check out my church sometime. Seriously.

As those words came out of my mouth, I could hear the tone. It wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t quite the message I was trying to convey.

I have a church that I go to” he said.

I jumped in. “That’s great! Where do you go?”

I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about this ticket. If you would like to contest this fine, you have a right to take me to court.

I was losing him. He was missing my point. Or maybe he was just trying to avoid it.

I got it” I said. Maybe I will take you to court, or maybe I won’t, and I’ll just pay the fine. But listen, the reason I keep bringing up my church is this. If you actually knew me…if you actually took the time to get to know me, you would find that I’m not the guy you think I am. I know that you see my criminal background, and you don’t like it. To be honest, I don’t like it either. But there’s nothing I can do about that right now. What I am doing is trying to make things right.

If you came to my church, I think you would have an opportunity to actually see me for who I  really am. I’m pretty involved and I actually lead a small group of people my age in bible studies. That’s why I keep bringing it up. All I’m asking for is a little grace. There’s no need to keep fining me for little things. I’m sure you have a screwdriver in your car. I would be more than happy to put that tag on the bumper right now and get this over with.

With an emotionless, stoic expression he said, “You can take care of that once you get to work.”

He wasn’t budging. I was getting that ticket, and there was no question about it. “Listen. I meant what I said. I would strongly encourage you to come check out my church some time.”

With that, he walked away from my car and went his way.

It’s ironic. This past week I taught on Contentment, no matter where you are in life, and no matter what comes your way. Looks like I’m having to heed my own advice and sermon.

To be honest, I don’t think this guy is going to let up. Some people say that maybe he actually took pause that day to reconsider his actions. Call me a pessimist, but I don’t think it did much of anything. But I am starting to view this whole harassment-by-a-Maryland-State-Trooper-who-lives-in-my-neighborhood thing as a witnessing opportunity. Maybe he will never come to my church. Maybe he’ll never see me in the light that the people who know me see me. But maybe, over the course of a dozen fines and tickets, he’ll come to know Christ for the very first time in his life.

Thank you God for this opportunity (I’m not being facetious).

Lifegroup Bible Study: THE NECESSITY OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH

Posted: November 25, 2009 in Bible Study
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We had a great group meeting last night. Three members from the Damascus group came (Alex, Justin, and John) due to a last minute cancellation. It worked out great for us because they balanced out our guy to girl ratio.

We discussed The Necessity of Spiritual Growth, and addressed such questions like:

  • How have you grown over the past 1-2 yrs?
  • How can you tell?
  • Where do you still need to grow?
  • What does a “mature” christian look like?
  • What are consequences for refusing to grow?

If you think about it, baby’s are cute with their little bibs, but a 20-something year old, wearing a bib with food all over his face is anything BUT cute. Much like a baby grows in Height, Weight, and Appearance, we should be growing similarly in our spiritual life. How?

As we get taller, we have a different perspective. Spiritually, we should be getting “taller” and getting different (and better) perspectives as God’s Will is revealed in our lives.

As we gain weight, we get stronger. Big strong muscular people are heavier than small, thin, weak people. In the same way, we should be putting on healthy spiritual weight (knowledge in the Word, strength in numbers with christian fellowship, etc.) to help us combat the enemy.

We literally change in our appearance as we mature. We become more shapely, grow hair, and develop style and personality. Ever notice how we’ve received comments from distant relatives about how much we’ve “blossomed” or “grown”? Similarly, there should be a noticeable difference in our appearance as Christians. There’s value to consistency in some things, but we should not look the same from year to year spiritually. People should be able to notice how you’ve changed for the better over time.

Check yourself. If you’re not GROWING, are you becoming that disgusting guy with a bib, talking baby talk and pooping your pants?

11 It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12 to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4:11-16

(Contact me if you’d like a .pdf of the handout for this bible study.)

From champ to chump

Posted: November 23, 2009 in Life Happens, Uplifting
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In the spring of 1996, I was heavily entrenched in a “life stage” transition from high school to college. My mom and I were traveling up and down the east coast for soccer recruiting trips to figure out where I would be spending the next four years of my life.

Penn State, UPenn, Tufts, St. Mary’s, Maryland, Lehigh, Colgate, Bucknell…these were a few of the places that were scouting me for soccer. They were a range of schools. Some were big (100,000 students), while some were small (1,200). Some were highly recognized for their academia, while others were acclaimed for their sports programs. Some were Division III programs, and some were Division I. Some were offering scholarships, and others were offering a warm hand. But what they all had in common was that they were claiming to want ME.

I had been accepted to every program (over a dozen) except for one. My heart was set on UPenn, but they were claiming that I needed 20 more points on my SAT’s in order for them to get me in. At the time, Penn State and Maryland were top tier Division I soccer programs, but I knew that if I went to play for them, I would likely sit the bench. They wouldn’t even guarantee that I would make the team.

In the end, it came down to two schools – Lehigh and Bucknell. It was a great feeling to know they were fighting over me. They had both claimed that I was their #1 recruit, and they were both Division I programs. They weren’t a top 20 program for soccer, but at least I would be starting as their goalkeeper. Academically speaking, they were on par with each other, and while they weren’t technically an Ivy League school, they pooled from the same caliber of students each year. So I had a tough decision to make. Bucknell or Lehigh?

What made the difference was their confidence in me. Bucknell wanted me more, and it felt good to know that I was what they wanted. But that didn’t last very long. The honeymoon was soon over after the season started 6 months later. I was their #1 recruit, and I did start over a senior goalkeeper my freshman year, but that quickly ended. Playing Division I college ball was bigger, tougher, faster, and meaner than I had ever imagined, and I was in for a rude awakening.

I went from starting and playing the whole game, to barely playing 10 minutes by the sixth game of the season. Some of it wasn’t my fault at all. Apparently the fourth year goalkeeper had a lot of political clout with the head coach, and despite the strong support of other players and even the assistant coach, it wasn’t enough to get me playing time. But if I were to be completely honest, I simply didn’t live up to the expectations of the Head coach. I was a disappointment…or at the very least, not quite as good as he had hoped for.

It was a fair assessment though. I certainly wasn’t any worse than the other goalie, but I wasn’t unbelievably better either. So when push came to shove, everyone was disappointed with the result – including myself. I wasn’t quite the superstar that everyone expected me to be, and I wasn’t the superstar that I was used to being.

But four years later…I was ranked #1 in the country for a Saves Per Game stat amongst the NCAA’s Division I goalkeepers, achieved Defensive Player of the Week in the Patriot League, and helped to lead Bucknell into unprecedented wins against rivals such as Lehigh and Colgate. At one point, we had even placed in the Top 25 NCAA Division I men’s soccer rankings, upsetting a couple Top 10 programs in the country.

The reason this all came to mind is because I feel as though I’ve been experiencing a bit of Déjà vu. The past 17 months of my career at Immersion Active have been a steady uphill battle of finding my mojo, chi, or in layman’s terms, my confidence. And although everyone has been extremely supportive and patient (as well as invested in my success) at Immersion Active, I haven’t quite lived up to the hype of someone with a Director of Business Relationships title.

So, it has been decided (and I can’t say I fault them for it) that I am no longer a “Director”.

So last week, I didn’t want to continue reflecting myself as this position, despite their insistence that the changing of my title could wait until business cards had arrived, so I logged onto my account on LinkedIN and edited my title to “Business Relationships Manager”. Within 24 hours, I had received a warm note from a client which I found to be quite humorous and ironic:

Lol. Little did she know, I had just been DEmoted, not PROmoted (in title only).

Even though this story doesn’t have a happy ending (yet), I know that the story is still waiting to unfold. The book of my life is still being written, and I’m anxious to see the story that God will write for me.

As we near Thanksgiving this year, I am reminded of how thankful I am, of how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve accomplished. I may have had my share of disappointments and unexpected outcomes, but I’ve also had my share of things to be thankful for as well. Pastor Steve wrote something that “stuck” with me a couple of weeks ago,

When you face an enemy, obstacle, or setback, you can either see it as a wall or a door.

As he explained, the Israelites chose to look at Goliath as a wall…and they waited for 40 days hoping it would go away. David, on the other hand, saw things differently – and God blessed him for it.

Every champ has his/her chump moments. But they’re a champ because they never stay a chump.

This chump is moving on.

So much trash

Posted: November 11, 2009 in epiphanies, Life Happens
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I’m a neat freak. I like things orderly. And if you’ve been reading this blog (or know me personally), you’ll know that I like Excel Spreadsheets (Post: Don’t Calculate without God).

So how is it that someone like me could have SO MUCH TRASH in my condo? That’s one of the benefits to dating someone who is also a neat freak. They not only spot the trash in your life a mile away, they actually do something about it.

Over the course of the past few months, the geeky side of me has been able to blossom, and I feel a bit like Will Ferrell on Old School:

Will Ferrell’s character: I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.

College Student: A big day? Doing what?

Will Ferrell’s character: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.

You see, I identify with those remarks. But the thing is, I actually ENJOY it. The Benz and I actually enjoy staying in on a Friday night to paint my hallway doors, or put up some frames or ceiling lamps from IKEA.

We even made an event out of it. Did you know that IKEA has food? And it’s good too! AND it’s cheap! This weekend, they had a special on their meatball dinner. It included about a dozen meatballs, lumpy mashed potatoes, and some cranberry sauce for $.99! Yes folks, for less than a dollar, you could eat well! And they make it so fun! You can cart around your food on a cool shopping cart.

IKEA food extravaganza

But I digress. The point is, there aren’t many couples that could say they enjoy cleaning as a “date night”.

But it hasn’t been all fun and games. We’ve revisited the kitchen about 5 different times now. Cabinet by cabinet, we’ve emptied it out, trashed tons of items, Lysol’d, and reorganized every single item in my kitchen. Well, to be more accurate, she’s done most of that for me. I’ve been playing a management role and watching her do it, nodding my head up and down (or side to side) giving her endless excuses for why I need a plate from when I was a child, or flower styrofoam plates from 1996, or receipts of groceries from 5 years ago. You see, I am a pack rat (or so she claims). She clearly doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

And believe it or not, it’s a painful process. It’s hard to let things go. We’ve gotten into fights over it because I get too sensitive about feeling attacked for my possessions and lifestyle.

You wouldn’t believe the amount of trash that’s come out of that house. (And it’s still happening). We’ve taken out about 15-20 large trash bags of ‘stuff’ to take to the dumpster – I kid you NOT. And that’s just the kitchen cabinets. One room at a time, we’re doing a CLEAN SWEEP (one of my favorite HGTV Do-It-Yourself shows) of my entire place.

But what I would like to know is, how does a clean, neat freak, Excel spreadsheet kind of guy accrue so much junk in one place in such a short lifetime?

It’s made me think about our lives, and how we carry so much trash along the way. We don’t even realize how dusty and cramped our lives have become with excess junk. They often hide in cabinets and closets in the form of friends that we can’t let go of or habits like watching certain TV shows or movies. Sometimes they are more elusive, like holding on to attitudes of ‘complaint’, ‘gossip’, or ‘bitterness’ towards people in general. The point is, if you don’t take the time to examine your house, you won’t even realize all the junk that is being stored up.

And you wonder why you don’t have room. You’re missing out on all the good stuff you could replace the junk with.

Having the Benz in my life has been a blessing. Sometimes it takes someone else to see your house from a fresh perspective in order for you to look at places and things that you would otherwise overlook or avoid. Who’s in your life that can help you get rid of so much trash?

Second Chances

Posted: October 28, 2009 in epiphanies, Life Happens, Relationships, Trust, What would Jesus do?
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God-of-second-chances

I wonder what this guy’s story is. Is he just some random person who thought this was a cool quote? Does he make it a habit of carrying around his camera while he’s riding his motorcycle and just pull over along the side of the road, having his photo taken by these signs? Or is there significance to him being in the picture? Why is he holding his helmet? Did he stare death in the face and escape an accident that could have cost him his life? Did God give him a second chance?

I couldn’t help but think about my own experience. I didn’t stare death in the face…not the way this guy might have, but I did wish for a second chance once.

If only she knew how sorry I was, then she would be able to forgive me. If only she understood the pain I had on my heart, I know she could work past the fact that I cheated on her. I just needed her to be in my shoes, to be in my head…then she could know that I would never do such a thing ever again. There IS such a thing as making a mistake and learning from it. It was just the one time.

Why wouldn’t she believe me? Why wouldn’t she forgive me? Why wouldn’t she give me a second chance?

I fell into a deep depression coma once I was arrested that fateful June day. I’m pretty sure I cried every single day, several hours a day, for the next two weeks as I wasted away in that Jail cell in Wyoming. I literally couldn’t eat for days. I had never cared so little about eating in my life. In fact, I would have welcomed death at that point…and I would have welcomed death for the next year of my life. Maybe even two. Just ask my family.

Once I was released from jail and on bond, I remember driving the streets at night and being hypnotized by the methodical street lights as I passed them by, thinking to myself, fantasizing to myself, hoping that a drunk driver would appear and swerve into my lane and kill me instantly in a head on collision. I used to come up with elaborate movie scene worthy scenarios of cars crashing and flipping as I tumbled to my death, putting me out of my misery. Life just simply wasn’t worth living if I couldn’t be with Michaela.

There was no excuse for my actions. I knew that. I did the unthinkable. I did one of the most hurtful things anybody could ever do to their lover. I cheated. And to really make it a hard pill to swallow, I was arrested for attempting to do it with a minor – a minor that was the same age as her kid sister. Who does that? Who could be so sick and twisted and…

I hated myself for a very long time. I wondered the same things about myself that she did.

She tried to make it work. She didn’t officially break up with me for another four or five months. That was when she finally called it quits. She just couldn’t get past it. There was too much doubt. Too much pain. Too much hurt. Too much deceit. Even if it was just one lie, it was one lie too many. One lie caused her to question our whole relationship. It caused her to question my whole character. I had destroyed the trust between us, and nothing that came out of my mouth could ever be believed again…at least not by her. It was crazy how one act, one single moment in time could destroy two and half years of character building proof. Just one mistake.

I understood it though. I deserved it. I made my bed, and now I had to lie in it. This was the beginning of one of the toughest lessons I have ever had to learn – there are consequences for our actions, and sometimes those consequences change the picture completely…forever.

But from where I was standing, the perspective was so different. I knew I would never hurt her like that again. My eyes had been opened. I now knew that I was capable of being a destroyer, of being a monster, and I was committed to never letting that happen again. All I wanted was a second chance. All I wanted was for her to forgive me…to truly forgive me, and to pretend like it had never happened. I just wanted her to see how much I could love her, how much I could right the wrong that I did, to prove to her through my actions that if she would give me that chance, she would never regret it for the rest of her life.

But I never got that second chance. Those were reserved for fairy tales and cheesy romantic comedies and dramas, but that wasn’t real life. That wasn’t my reality.

I wouldn’t change the course of events now that I’m removed from it and six years have passed. I now see how God turned the ugliest thing in my life and turned it into something good, and there’s something beautiful about His work when He does that. He surprises us by creating a masterpiece when we hand Him the paintbrush and allow Him to finish the disaster that we started.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

With that said, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if she had given me a second chance.

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