Birds of a feather…

Posted: September 15, 2009 in Bible Study, Childhood stories
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Birds of a feather

Oswald Chambers Daily Devotion (My Utmost for His Highest) – September 11

Watch the kind of people God brings around you, and you will be humiliated to find that this is His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. – Oswald Chambers

Wow! This is the statement that popped out at me when I read this devotion the other day. I thought to myself, “really? This is how I’ve been to Him?”

Then I got distracted and made it about me. My mind quickly went to all the people who had ever disappointed me. The list is just too long.

If you’ve spent any length of time getting to know people, you WILL be disappointed. And, maybe “disappointed” is the wrong word. Maybe you have flat out been hurt by a friend. Maybe they’ve betrayed you in some way. Maybe they turned their back on you, or lashed out against you in a way that even your worst enemies wouldn’t have considered. Just ask someone who’s recently broken up from a relationship, or a parent who’s child wants nothing to do with them, or a grown adult who was molested by a close family member at a young age. Ask them if they’ve been disappointed by the people in their life. Ask them if they’ve been hurt by someone close to them…by someone that they loved.

I thought about the people I’ve surrounded myself with over the years.

Birds of a feather, flock together

Birds of a feather, flock together (I took this photo in the Outer Banks in '07)

Ever heard of the expression, “birds of a feather, flock together”? This is what came to mind when I read this quote by Oswald Chambers. And although I used to hear this expression as a kid, it never really resonated with me until recently. My mother used to stress how important it was to have good friends…and the reason, of course, was so I wouldn’t be negatively influenced by the kids around me. But what did I care? All I wanted was to have fun, go to the mall with them, spend the night and watch movies, play video games, and meet girls. I wanted to hang out with the people that I liked – not the people my mom or dad liked. They weren’t the ones hanging out with them, I was.
My 11th Birthday - Don't let the smile fool you...it was my nightmare year of middle school.

My 11th Birthday - Don't let the smile fool you...it was my nightmare year of middle school.

My sixth grade year was perhaps the hardest year for me – socially speaking. It was a year of dichotomous proportions. I was going through puberty. My voice was changing and I was breaking out with the nastiest zits in the world. Well maybe not the nastiest. Although it seemed I was ahead of the curve in this regard, I remember another guy who was going through this change too…but he was even more progressive than I was. This was a good thing for me because that took the attention off of me…but I still got my share of ridicule.

Despite these physical changes, I was still a relatively popular kid. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the #1 or #2 most popular boy…but I was definitely in the top 10. I know this for a fact because that was the year that the Top 10 popularity survey went around school. There was one for each grade, and that year, being determined by the cutest, most popular girls in our class, I made the list!

So it should’ve been a good year for me – but it wasn’t. The reason it has been forever etched in my mind as the worst year of my social career is because I never knew what the day would bring. For example, one day during first period, it was smooth sailing. Kali, the cute gymnast in our class, passed me a note, asking me if I wanted to be her girlfriend.

6th Grade note

(YES PLEASE). But by sixth period, Social Studies, I was the focal point of jokes by my “best friends” (#1, #2, and #5) who decided that talking in asian voices with their eyes stretched to a slant was hilarious. I put on a brave face and retorted with comments like, “that’s not even funny guys”, or “you guys are stupid, can’t you come up with something original?”, but if they could’ve seen what I was thinking, they would have seen a little boy who wanted to run home and cry in his closet.

Oh, and that note from the cute girl, asking me to go out with her? That was part of the joke too. It was all part of a grander scheme to ridicule me and make me look stupid.

Mission accomplished.

Finding out that bit of information was enough to make me want to transfer schools. Ironically, I ended up dating her in 9th and 11th grades just a few years later, and she was the first girl I ever kissed. And judging by her technique, I was her first kiss too.

Me at 11 yrs old in DC with the family

Me at 11 yrs old in DC with the family

When I stop to think about how those “friends” treated me in sixth grade, it actually brings back feelings of shame, embarrassment, hurt, and anger. They were cruel. The thing that gets me is why did I choose to call them my friends? Why did I choose to be around them over another group of friends who would’ve respected me and esteemed me? It’s sad, even at a young age, I valued fame, power, and popularity over what I knew to be the best for me in my life. Where does that come from?

But the point is, people are cruel and mean. They act out of cowardice and fear. Those boys didn’t want to be the center of negative attention, so what they did is found people around them to make fun of, so that the attention would be diverted off of them. Maybe they had older brothers who treated them this way (actually I know for a fact that they did), and so they were simply a product of their own environments, perpetuating a negative behavior to take out their own frustrations. There are tons of other motivators and triggers for the reasons why we treat people poorly, but the fact of the matter is, we’ve all done it in some fashion or another.

It’s easy to recall the hurt that’s been done to you, but it’s not as easy to remember the pain we’ve brought on others – mostly because we’re not on that end of things. We can’t know the pain we’ve caused someone else because we’re not the ones experiencing it.

Have you ever stopped to think about how we’ved done this to Jesus? We’ve “broken up” with Him, we’ve turned our backs on Him, we’ve mocked Him, and worse. We’ve done the unthinkable to our Lord and Savior, and often don’t think twice about it. If we lived in Jesus’ day, there’s a good chance that most of us would have been the ones spitting in His face and shouting “Crucify Him!” as He dragged the cross to His impending death.

What kind of people are you being surrounded by? Is it a reflection of who you are? If they aren’t quality people, why are you choosing to be around them? If you don’t like what you see, consider how their attitudes and behaviors might mirror your own behaviors to your close and personal friend, Christ.

Stay away from a foolish man,
for you will not find knowledge on his lips. – Proverbs 14:7

He who walks with the wise grows wise,
but a companion of fools suffers harm. – Proverbs 13:20

A Fresh Pot of Coffee

Posted: September 4, 2009 in Bible Study, epiphanies
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Looks good right? You just going to let it sit there?

Looks good right? You just going to let it sit there?

I didn’t have much time for a QT (quiet time) yesterday morning. In fact, I had exactly 7 minutes to pray, read scripture, get through reading a devotion, and allow those thoughts to simmer in my mind. NOT ENOUGH TIME.

I went over 7 minutes. In fact, I didn’t get to work when I wanted to. I did my QT in 15 minutes. Still not enough time…(That’s a whole other topic and worthy of discussion) BUT, God did tell me something that morning.

In 2 Samuel 23:16, David pours out some water that he was craving. It had been given to him by fearless men who put their lives at risk just to give him a drink. Why would he do that? He wanted it so badly that his men were willing to put their lives at risk to give him what he wanted. Why, after all of that, would he just pour it out onto the dry, sandy ground? WHY?

16 So the three mighty men broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. – 2 Samuel 23:16

The Message version translates it as follows:
But David wouldn’t drink it; he poured it out as an offering to God, saying, “There is no way, God, that I’ll drink this! This isn’t mere water, it’s their life-blood—they risked their very lives to bring it!” So David refused to drink it.

King David wanted that water so badly. He was thirsty. He had asked for it. And now he had it. It had been given to him as a gift – and great sacrifice had been made to give it to him. And now he pours it out “before the LORD”? He was obviously making a statement.

An interesting question was raised by Oswald Chambers in my devotion this morning.

“What has been like water from the well of Bethlehem to you recently – love, friendship, spiritual blessing?

I thought about that question for a good minute, and the big blessing that came to the forefront of my mind was my relationship with The Benz. And I had to ask myself…why don’t I identify with David?

The answer: I’ve been satisfying myself through this relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy the things that God has given us as blessings…but we must not hoard them for ourselves. Why?

If you have become bitter and sour, it is because when God gave you a blessing you clutched it for yourself…If you are always taking blessings to yourself and never learn to pour out anything unto the Lord, other people do not get their horizon enlarged through you. – Oswald Chambers – My Utmost For His Highest (September 3)

I knew in that moment what I had to do. It’s ok that the Benz and I are loving the time we spend together – in fact, it’s a beautiful thing. But if all we do is keep our blessings to ourselves, how can we expect God to keep pouring into us?

Think of it this way – Have you ever had a full cup of coffee sitting in a room for a week or two? No, of course not right? Who would do such a thing? I’ll tell you who…my sister. Anyway, do you know what happened to that coffee after that length of time? It became cold, bitter, and moldy! I wish I had a picture of what it looked like, but the way she described it was disgusting! But when she first had that cup of coffee, it was a wonderful thing. It was filled with warmth, flavor, and energy.

Is this what you have to offer?

Is this what you have to offer?

Now picture yourself as a coffee pot. From time to time, God will fill you up to the brim with His blessings. We should drink it, savor it, and even share it with others who are craving that ‘coffee’, right? As we pour into others, what happens? Our coffee pot becomes empty, right? That allows God to pour more into us and “make more coffee”. But if we just sit here idle, just enjoying the fact that we have a full pot of coffee (life of blessing), what will happen? It will be wasted, and no one will benefit. Furthermore, we’re not even in a position for God to pour more into us because we have hoarded it for ourselves.

So I’ve decided that the Benz and I need to serve together. I’m not sure yet what specifically we will be doing, but I do know one thing…I don’t want to become bitter, old, moldy coffee. I want to constantly be brewing a fresh pot of blessings from God!

What blessings are you keeping to yourself? What happened to those blessings when you just hoarded them?

The invisible “Kick Me!” sign

Posted: August 31, 2009 in Anger, Life Happens
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Who's kicking you around and why?

Who's kicking you around and why?

Have you ever had a bad experience that has led to a bad taste in your mouth? Maybe it was a food that you had as a child that literally got you sick, and has forever ruined your appetite to eat that food again. Or maybe it was a bad relationship that has gotten you jaded and looking at everyone with a skeptical eye. Have you ever had a bad experience with someone of another race, and now that has shaped the way you look at everyone of that race? You may not openly voice those opinions, biases, or judgments, but we’ve all done it.

I’m guilty of this myself. Probably of all three that I mentioned. And this morning, I found myself infuriated, again, with cops.

I was taking out the trash this morning in my complex when I saw the unmarked State Trooper camped out on the street outside my development. I was thinking to myself, “What a jerk” (or maybe something worse) as I imagined him sitting there just looking for reasons to pull people over.

By the time I made it back to my car, he was gone. I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road where he was idling. As I was nearing the stop sign, there he was, idling again…waiting for his next prey.

I took my time getting there. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by coming up on him too fast. Red sports cars have a way of giving the appearance of exaggerated motions.

I could see his face in the side view mirror, and I instantly remembered who this guy was. He had pulled me over on the way to work about ten months ago. I was riding my motorcycle, minding my own business. I was sitting in traffic at a light, idling behind a school bus when I noticed out of my periphery that a car was creeping up beside me. When I turned my head to the right, he rolled down his window and signaled for me to pull over. What in the world could I have possibly done, in traffic, having only been on the road for less than a mile? Where did this creeper come from?

My Yamaha Roadstar Warrior - notice the vertical mounted license plate

My Yamaha Roadstar Warrior - notice the vertical mounted license plate

Forty-five minutes later, he gave me a citation for having my license plate displayed vertically. According to this guy (and this guy only – I later verified with several other cops and two other bike shops the validity of his statement – they denied confirmation of his claim), a license plate must be displayed horizontally. $75 later, I still have not purchased a $200 license bracket plus the labor it would take to remedy the situation. Instead, I’ve barely ridden my motorcycle in the past year out of fear that this ____ cop is going to stumble across me again and write me another ticket – or worse, find some other reason to cart me off to jail.

Am I crazy? Is it just my imagination? Am I just that rebellious that I’m breaking laws left and right, looking for trouble?

Well, this morning, when I saw him sitting at the stop sign, getting ready to pull onto the main drag to work, I thought to myself…I better keep a safe distance so that he can’t run my plates. My cop friends tell me that they run plates all day long. If you see a cop on the highway, cruising with a pack of cars, guess what they’re doing – they’re running all the plates of the cars around them. If they see anything off (an expired tag, a delinquent parking ticket, a cracked windshield, a tail light that is out, a dark tint…), they WILL pull you over just to see what else they can find. Those little things are a gateway to finding bigger things. Their philosophy is “where there is smoke, there’s fire…”…so you don’t want to have any smoke coming from your car (pun intended).

I know many of you are thinking, “but I have a cracked windshield”, or “I have 10 unpaid parking tickets”, or “my tail light has been out for 2 years and I’ve never been pulled over”. Well, here’s the catch…there are caveats to this procedure. If you’re driving a four cylinder grannymobile, and you’re a white female, or if you’re a white male driving a Cadillac CTS, and your record is clean, they’re not going to bother you. Check out this article on Frederick County if you don’t believe it’s a problem (Experts say racial disparity among stops warrant investigation). It’s just not worth their time because it’s not likely that they are going to find anything else. But if you’re an asian male in a predominantly caucasian county, in a red sports car with tinted windows and a criminal  record, they WILL pull you over. Wow…when I look at it like that, maybe I’d pull myself over too.

I was already pulled over for this violation a year ago. Another cop pulled me over, claiming that my window tint was over the legal limit. It wasn’t. I specifically ordered the legal limit when I bought the tint. Why would I want to draw unnecessary attention to myself, right? Apparently it didn’t matter. If they “suspect” that it’s illegal, the burden falls on me to prove otherwise. What no one tells you is how you can go about proving your innocence. Not even the cops. I went through the process of proving the legality of my tint, had the necessary citations signed off on, paid my fine, and thought this was behind me. Then one day, I received a notice in the mail that my registration was being suspended. Messy messy messy. And have I mentioned the frustration?

That was supposed to have been sorted out this past March. So when the Trooper this morning started gabbing about my illegal tint, I pulled out copies of the documents I had proving my innocence.

This doesn’t tell me anything. What this says is that you were late in sorting this problem out in the first place. And who’s to say you haven’t gotten a darker tint since then?

Are you kidding me? I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I play by their rules, and they still screw with you. He and I knew that this was not about a window tint…but neither one of us was going to mention the big, fat elephant standing between us. Every time that has come up, they (and I) end up getting angry with each other. They feel the need to put a “criminal” in his place, and I feel a need to remind them that I’ve paid my dues and debt to society and shouldn’t be condemned for something that happened six years ago. It gets us nowhere, so I just bit my lip.

Just do what you got to do

I didn’t want to get in a battle with him, so I just told him to write me up and do what he had to do. He was in his car on his cell phone for a good twenty minutes – verifying all the statements and claims I had made to see if he had caught me in a lie.

After a short prayer, I was reminded of a promise from God – a promise that I need to hold on to whenever I’m feeling condemned. A promise for days like today:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:18-19

Minutes later, the Trooper got out of his vehicle and made his way back to mine. This time, I was NOT issued a ticket. I was just issued a repair order. He told me that he was going to personally follow up with me to see that I have this done. “Do you have any questions?”, he asked.

“Yes. When you say you are going to ‘personally’ follow up with me, what do you mean by that? Do you plan on knocking on my door so that you can inspect my tint?”

“No. I’ll just follow up with you.”

“Right. But we live in the same neighborhood, so what are you planning to do?” He didn’t answer. So I just looked away and waited for him to leave.

“Have a nice day”, he said.

When I got back to the office, there was an email waiting for me from my prayer partner, reminding me of God’s promise for my future, reminding me to disregard Satan’s condemnation for something that I’ve been forgiven of already.

I have to admit it’s hard for me to look at every cop individually and refrain from lumping them all into one pool of jerks and power hungry idiots. It helps that I have friends who are cops, and friends who want to become cops (I know their hearts and their commitment to God first)…but still, when things like this happen, I revert to my disgust of their pettiness. In my fifteen years of driving, I’ve been pulled over three times up until 2003. Since I’ve gotten out of prison in 2006, I’ve been pulled over at least a dozen times for innocuous things. Never for speeding. Never for a flagrant violation.

Yes, I have a chip on my shoulder, and I’m working to smooth it out. It’s not ok for me to think this way about cops.

Are there things that you’ve done in the past that have haunted you years later? Do they have a way of coming back to condemn you time and time again? How does that shape the way you perceive the world around you? How do you treat others as a result of what has happened to you? Remember that if you are repentant, God has forgiven you, and that condemnation is not from God – that’s from the Adversary.

Stopping wars

Posted: August 20, 2009 in Relationships
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Have you ever stopped to think about the role of an ambassador? 

I have to admit, I have my preconceived notions and biases of ambassadors and their importance in our society. I live near DC, and I’ve seen the cars they drive and the houses they live in. I’ve peered into the windows of the restaurants where they dine; places I can only afford to go during restaurant week. When I dine during those select times of year, I like to pretend I’m someone important – like a diplomat. Ironically, I think they avoid restaurant week like the plague because us ‘common folk’ have infested and crowded their normal spots. It’s funny, even the restaurant staff seem to look at us with disdain. It’s as if they somehow know I’m not a VIP – or maybe it’s just the cheap suit that I come in with.

Anyway, I know they’re not all bad. I know that not all Diplomats park in handicap spots or no parking zones with obnoxious fearlessness of being towed or ticketed. I’m sure that some of them actually respect and even fear our laws. (Wow, where did that come from?)

But back to my original point. What do Ambassadors do? What is their role? What is their trade? A quick search through the dictionary showed me this:

Ambassador: a diplomatic official of the highest rank sent by a government to represent it on a temporary mission, as for negotiating a treaty.

Diplomat: a person who is tactful and skillful in managing delicate situations, handling people, etc.

To be honest, I never thought much about ambassadors until I had a conversation with a friend the other day. And as I reflected over the past week, I realized I had actually had several conversations with a few people over the past week alone that had me thinking what it meant to be an ambassador.

For example, what would happen if a country wronged another country in some way (think of any international crisis), and then the ambassador who was appointed to negotiate and handle the situation simply said, “You’ve attacked us. Our gloves are coming off. We’re taking you out. You deserve it. You brought this on your self.” 

Is that the role of an ambassador? An ambassador is someone who is a diplomatic official of the highest rank who is supposed to be tactful and skilled at managing delicate situations. I’m not saying that the outcome will never mean fighting back in some way, but it always has to be handled delicately and tactfully first. An ambassador has to communicate its own interest as well as hearing and understanding the opposition’s point of view. The goal is to reach resolution, not to spark conflict.

But let’s talk practically. How many of us are actually ambassadors? What’s an ambassador got to do with me?

We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. – 2 Corinthians 5:20

Whether we like it or not, we are ambassadors…one way or another. What we do and how we respond is a reflection not only on us, but on everything we stand for.

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve been wronged? Maybe someone was hating on you and started passing around rumors. Or maybe you were in a relationship that felt one-sided – you were the one always giving of yourself, but never seemed to get anything in return. And when all was said and done, they made it look like you were the one to blame. I’m sure that many marriages look like this. Maybe you’re in a situation where someone has cheated you or robbed you of something. Maybe they literally stole from you. Or maybe that robbery looked like rape.

What then? Are all bets off?

Forget being an ambassador, I want to be an assassin!

It’s easy to be good ambassadors when nothing is really at stake, but what kind of ambassadors would we be if we have truly been hurt and wounded? Forgiveness is a big element to being an effective ambassador. Why? Because an ambassador needs to be able to have a clear mind. They need to be able to hear both sides. That’s why cops are taken off of cases when it hits too close to home. That’s why doctors are not allowed to operate on loved ones – too much is at stake. It’s too hard to keep a clear head. It’s too hard to listen to both sides if we haven’t forgiven the other person.

Have you ever given someone the silent treatment because you were trying to hold back the biting words that wanted to flow from your mouth? That’s a good first step, but if you stop there, and bottle up the resentment and anger, that message of hate is going to seep through. Think of it this way, how effective of an ambassador would you be if you just went into a treaty meeting with your mouth shut and ears and mind closed? 

Would you be stopping any wars that way?

A friend of mine keeps saying, “I’m over it. Their loss. I’m done with [insert name here]!” There’s an inner war taking place. I had to tell them,

If you were an ambassador, you wouldn’t be stopping any wars.

When they respond to that individual with silence, or with anger in their heart, it may not be an outward lashing, but there is all sorts of hurt, anger, and bitterness going on inside. Even if the other person can’t see it, what war is going on inside of you? Pastor Dale just blogged on the destructive nature of withholding forgiveness (Getting Rid of Resentment).

What wars are you stopping as an ambassador?

When MPF broke up with me over a text message after nearly two years of being in a relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was take the first step towards reconciliation. The last thing I felt I had to do was forgive. After all, I had a right to be upset. But if I held onto that bitterness, I would have been the one to experience a civil war because God had placed within me His spirit – a spirit that would have been battling with the Adversary’s spirit.

Before you go telling someone how THEY screwed up, or how THEY were wrong, or how THEY should “grow”, check YOUR motivation and heart. Are you doing it out of a spirit of helping them? Or is it just a sophisticated way of getting in the last word?

What kind of ambassador are you?

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:31, 32

A Fork in the road

Posted: August 13, 2009 in Bible Study
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Oswald Chambers’ daily devotion (My Utmost For His Highest) – August 11

As I read 2 Kings 2 this morning, I felt like I was reading this for the very first time. Actually, it may have been the very first time that I’ve actually read this passage. I have certainly heard of the story about Elijah being carried off by chariots to Heaven, but I didn’t recall so many of the details of how it actually played out.

For example, I was sad for Elisha when I saw how he was desperately holding on to his mentor and friend. He was following him everywhere like a puppy because he knew the time was coming for Elijah to leave him. It was as if he didn’t want to let him out of his sight because he wanted every waking moment with him before he left. He didn’t even like it when other prophets reminded him that Elijah was going to be taken from him.

Yes, I know…but do not speak of it.

2 Kings 2:3

It made me think of life, and how we grow so comfortable with familiarity. We enjoy the people in our lives, the jobs or careers that we have, the possessions that we keep…and we will go to great lengths to keep from losing those things. And why wouldn’t we – especially if they are good things? Why would we want to see them gone?

But when I stop to look at my life and consider the times that I’ve grown, it wasn’t in the moments of familiarity or comfort that I grew, it was the times of change where I was met with a challenge of unprecedented proportions that forced me to yield to a fork in the road. Those were the moments where I grew. Those were the times that I became a man.

Take, for instance, my move to Bucknell University. I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know a single person. And now I had to start all over, make new friends, prove myself all over again. What scared me most was that maybe I wouldn’t deliver this time. Maybe I would have lost my touch. Maybe I had become too comfortable, and was banking too much on the infrastructure and empire that I had built. At that point, I had a choice. I could have transferred out, and run back home to familiar ground, back to where I was comfortable. Or I could face the challenge, and use what I had learned to test my skills, and see if I could do it on my own.

Then, at 25, after I had built my empire of success and familiarity back up, my “Elijah” was taken from me again, and I was stripped of everything I ever had – my money, my career, my girlfriend, my friends, my credibility, my dignity, and my pride. My journey was long and painful. Prison was no joke. And once I got out, I had to start from the beginning.

I admire those who come from third world countries and “make it” in the U.S. I know there are people out there that hate the idea of someone coming from another country and staking their claim in “our home” so to speak…but personally, I admire them. I would imagine that life for them is not all that different than someone coming out of prison. For starters, no one seems to want them around. We look at them as a disease to our society. The way I see it, shame on us. One of the reasons we don’t like the idea of foreigners coming here and taking our jobs is because we just want to continue doing business as usual without any threat for change. What kind of growth would we experience if we were never challenged?

And imagine for a minute, what it must have been like to come from a foreign country, speak little to no english, have barely enough money for the basic necessities of life. What would you be thinking? Many of us would grow depressed and give up at just the thought. Are you the type of person that would embrace that opportunity and move beyond just striving for mediocrity, but rather, for exceptionality? I would venture to say that not many would. If I were to be honest, I would be tempted to say that I would settle for just paying the bills. And yet, somehow, it’s many of these desperate yet exceptional individuals who are the ones that end up making it big. Why? Because they were put to the test, they were challenged, and they were forced to apply what they had learned. We have become far too complacent a society…that’s why many of us don’t succeed.

Elisha was met with this challenge. His master and friend was whisked away, and he was left all alone. He had to prove himself now. He had to “put to the test now what [he] had learned when [he] was with…Elijah.” (Oswald Chambers – My Utmost For His Highest – August 11) And what did he ask for? What did he want? Was he looking to just get by as an average, run of the mill prophet? No way! He asked to inherit a DOUBLE portion of Elijah’s spirit. Boy was he thinking big!

Who is our Elijah in our life? Is there someone that has been doing the thinking for us? Is there someone who has been leading us? Have we become dependent on them? What would happen if they suddenly disappeared? Would your world crumble? Or would you stand up and face the challenge? Maybe your “Elijah” is a lifestyle of comfort or familiarity. What choices would you make (or did you make) if your Elijah was whisked away in the blink of an eye?

What would you do with an Ipod Touch?

Posted: August 7, 2009 in epiphanies
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ipod_touchIt was the end of the trip, and Julio and I were sitting next to each other on the bus, coming back from the airport. We were on our journey back to our reality. We had just flown back from Iquitos to Lima, and we were making our way back to the hotel, getting ready for our final meal. Julio turned to me after a lull of silent reflection and asked, “Have you thought much about [MPF] this trip?”

I didn’t turn to him right away. I had to take a second to think about it. I wanted to give an honest answer. “Not really” I answered. “Huh…I hadn’t really thought of that, but no, I haven’t really thought of her this trip”. To be honest, that surprised me. How could someone who had been such an integral part of my life for the past two years escape my mind? Last year, this time, I had been thinking about her every day that I was away. I couldn’t wait to come home to share with her all that I had experienced in Peru. But this year, life was different. I was different.

My answer seemed to sadden him. He looked down at the seat in front of us as he spoke. “I don’t know man. I just get sad when I think about you two. I just don’t get it. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t see what I see.”

Julio went on with a somber tone. I could see that he was somewhere else now. He was back in Iquitos with those families and children. I had seen that look before just a day ago. We were taking a break from building a house, or a shack, depending on who was looking. He was sharing with me his interaction with the kids, and the shear joy that they seemed to possess despite the abysmal conditions they were living in. They were running around barefoot, stepping in deep mud – the kind of mud you lose your shoe in if you haven’t tied your laces very tight. They were so eager to help; carrying boards on their heads as they navigated the swamp like fields. Running around with all sorts of energy because we were there to make a difference in their lives – or maybe they were just being kids.

Even with a tarp, the roof was allowing in too much rain

Even with a tarp, the roof was allowing in too much rain

Demolition began. There was to be nothing left of the original structure.

Demolition began. There was to be nothing left of the original structure.

Trash was buried into the mud floor. We did our best to dig it out, then we leveled the floor as best as we could.

Trash was buried into the mud floor. We did our best to dig it out, then we leveled the floor as best as we could.

We hauled in the wood on our shoulders.

We hauled in the wood on our shoulders.

Even neighboring children helped out.

Even neighboring children helped out.

And the building began.

And the building began.

“It breaks my heart man” he said. “I can’t believe how bad it is here. I didn’t think it would be like this. I’m from El Salvador, so I honestly thought I had seen it all. I wasn’t expecting to see anything that I hadn’t seen already. But this…this is worse than I ever imagined. This…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. He looked away from me. The tears were welling up in his eyes. Then he turned around and walked around the wall of a structure that we were building. He didn’t want anybody to see him cry.

“It’s like this…” he said. I could see that Julio was back now. We were back on the bus in Lima. “When we were building the houses in Iquitos, and as I was talking with the kids, I just wanted so bad to do something for them. I just wanted to give them something. Anything. You know I love my Ipod touch. But I had even thought about giving them my Ipod. Seriously. I just wanted to give them something. But then I thought about it. What are they going to do with an Ipod touch? They’re not going to be able to make updates to it. They’re not going to even know all the things this thing can do. This Ipod is so cool man. It can tell time from anywhere in the world. You can play games on it. You can store photos on it. You can watch videos on it. There are so many things that I don’t even know all the things it can do.”

As I listened to Julio, I thought to myself, do they even have electricity to keep it charged? And with all the filth – the rain, the mud, the dirt – would they be able to keep it from getting destroyed? I had destroyed an Ipod once because I got caught in a rain storm.

Julio continued. “The thing is, as I was thinking about giving them my Ipod, I realized that they would never fully appreciate all the wonderful things it had to offer. That’s what I feel about you man. You’ve got it all. You are this great guy who has so much to offer. I don’t know man, I just don’t think that [MPF] really knew what she had. And I can’t help but wonder if she’s going to realize that one day, and regret the decision that she made.”

I was stunned. Now I was the one who was fighting from tearing up. Now I was the one who wanted to hide behind a wall. It wasn’t as if I was hanging my head all week, trying to wrap my head around the breakup. It’s not like he was saying this to lift my spirits and make me feel better about myself. What touched me was his sincerity in what he was saying. He actually believed that I was an Ipod touch!

I don’t know why things worked the way they did. I don’t know why – not for sure anyway – why MPF and I didn’t work out. But Julio’s epiphany just kind of made sense to me. I know there are going to be people that will read this and think that I’m arrogant, conceited, and full of myself for thinking that Julio could be right; that I could actually be an Ipod Touch. I know I’m not that cool, but the reality is that I do feel as though I have value, and that I was unappreciated in that relationship, and maybe he was onto something. But the thing of it is, the children of Peru in that village aren’t less valuable because they can’t fully appreciate an Ipod, it just is what it is. There are gifts in this world that are more appreciated by some than by others. It doesn’t make someone better or worse than the next person. It just is.

Maybe those children would one day come to fully appreciate the value of that Ipod. But more than likely, they would not. But a new soccer ball, or a bag of candy, or a new house…that is a gift they could relate to and fully appreciate. So that’s what we gave them.

God knows what to give us. He knows what we will appreciate, and what we won’t. I believe that He gives us what we need, and that’s always much better than what we think we need.

building the house 2

The inside of their new house. A solid roof to keep out the rain.

The inside of their new house. A solid roof to keep out the rain.

The family who's house we built in one day.

The family who's house we built in one day.

Our team that tore down and built a house in a day.

Our team that tore down and built a house in a day.

We had plans

Posted: August 1, 2009 in epiphanies, Life Happens
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We had plans.

Our missions trip to Peru was based on the notion that we would be digging wells for a community that needed access to cleaner water. What a cool thing to be doing. Meeting a need of the people, and showing God’s love by meeting that need. We even had cool T-shirts made that reflected our mission: H2O Axis Missions – Peru ’09

But that didn’t happen.

So we dealt with the change of plans and went with the flow of the circumstances; and we planned our next move. We ordered a box-load of lice shampoo as well as anti-parasite pills to hand out to a community in Iquitos. We split up into teams. One group to educate the people about the parasites found in the water and to administer the pills. Another group to shampoo the heads of the children. A group to entertain the children as they were waiting for the shampoo to work its magic. Yet another group to rinse the heads of the children after ten minutes. And then a group to comb the lice out of their tiny heads.

We were a well oiled machine.

These kids were adorable and still as water ran down their eyes and faces while we shampooed their tiny heads

These kids were adorable and still as water ran down their eyes and faces while we shampooed their tiny heads

I shampooed heads for at least four straight hours without a break. With five of us washing and working under the sun, we must’ve washed a minimum of 100 heads.

“Agachese”. I instructed the children as they straddled the mini chair in front of me. I was told that this meant “lower your head”. Whatever it was I said, they listened.  That was one thing that amazed me. It didn’t matter if they were two years old or if they were seventeen…they were all so obedient. It didn’t matter if they were a boy or a girl. They were obedient. It didn’t matter if they had ADD or if they were tired and hungry. They were obedient.

Peru Missions '09

Peru Missions '09 - rinsing

Peru Missions '09 - combing out lice

As the two of us sat there in silence while I washed their head (I don’t know any spanish), I thought to myself, why is it that a child who has lice in their hair, parasites in their body, bare feet, dirty and worn out clothes, and who knows what else…why is it that this child has such an obedient heart? What I came to realize was this: they have something that we as americans don’t have…they are poor. Yes, they are literally poor, but what I’m referring to is the fact that they are also poor in spirit. They are broken. But it’s that broken spirit that has them postured in such an obedient way (Psalm 51:17), and it’s that kind of obedience that will make them the inheritors of the earth.

You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.

Matthew 5:5 – The Message

But I digress.

We administered 173 anti-parasite pills that day. It’s not as though those pills saved their lives (although it could have helped their quality of life at least a little), but 87 people accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior that day. For those of us whose christianese radars just started beeping wildly, let me translate that – 87 people made the biggest and most life-changing decision of their lives that day! That’s crazy! That means that 1 in 2 people received what we had to say, and who’s to say that the rest of them won’t come into a relationship with Christ down the road? Again, here’s that obedient posture. They were receptive to God’s love.

This was big!

We had planned to do the same thing the next day. But the next morning, at 7:20am, while we were meeting to discuss the details of that day, our host leader got a phone call. There was a labor strike for transportation, which meant that we were stuck at the hotel. Our plans were foiled again.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

We didn’t waste a minute. Within an hour, we had split up into three teams to perform a song, skit, and bible drama for the purpose of performing them in the main town square of Iquitos and evangelize. This was not in the playbook.

Talk about an uncomfortable and stretching exercise. THIS was not my thing. Service projects? Yes. My thing. Evangelizing? Not my thing. I could feel the cold sweats forming, the tightening of the stomach muscles, the fake smile, the look of despair.

It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

I kept repeating this to myself over and over again.

We performed four times that day. Three in the afternoon, and once at night. And each time, the crowds got bigger and bigger. We don’t know how many people we reached that day, but each member of that team can tell you a story about how a life was changed because of us being there.

Kids I played soccer with in the square

Kids I played soccer with in the square

We knew it then, but I see it even more clearly now, God had a perfect plan. He knew what was going to happen all along. It’s not that what we had planned was bad, but He had something better in store for us and for others. Satan may have tried to spoil our plans and throw us off course, but we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, 
neither are your ways my ways,” 
declares the LORD.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, 
so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Have you had plans in your life that were good plans? Plans that were glorifying to God and from everything that you could tell, were according to His purpose? What happened to those plans? How did you respond? Did you stay at the hotel and stew about how your plans were foiled? Or did you continue to keep the lines of communication open with God and look to do His will where you were?

From where I’m standing…

Posted: July 30, 2009 in Randomness, Videos
Tags:
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I could over spiritualize this video and say something like, “ever notice how things look different under certain lighting conditions or particular vantage points? Consider Satan who loves the darkness and is the ultimate deceiver…” (Ephesians 6:12; John 8:44)

But what’s the fun in that? No need to get all philosophical and biblical on you all. This is just a cool dance performance by Pilobolus on Conan O’Brien’s Late night show. It’s crazy cool!

A Peace Offering

Posted: July 17, 2009 in Life Happens, Relationships, Uplifting, Videos
4

 

Where we began is where it all ended

Where we began is where it all ended

Ironic.

Last night, we ended up in the very place where we started – Denny’s. It was there where she tried to spit out the words that she wanted to be exclusive, and now it also marks the spot where we both made our peace offering to go our separate ways.

John Mayer’s song, My Stupid Mouth came to mind as we sat there in awkward silence. There was no chess playing of Salt & Pepper shakers, but we were both fixated on the tiny balls of napkin paper that we were molding. She made shredded strips of paper that were in a pile like a lumber stack. Mine was a twisted pretzel configuration that after all was said and done, looked like a conk shell.

In our differences, we are togetherness

Watching how different we were, even in our napkin rolling, had me thinking of our quote. I had envisioned engraving it inside her engagement ring. It was our identifying catch-phrase. It was meant to be a parody on Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (can there be a parody on a parody?). Now it’s just…

Ironic.

I look around and see the couples that started dating around the time we got together. Everyone would agree…we were the best couple. We were the happiest couple. And yet, we are the couple that didn’t make it. 

Ironic.

I told her that I felt like I made out like a bandit. I’m a different person now than when we started.  She taught me to love God with all my heart, and to pursue Him in everything that I do. I’ve gone on missions trips because of her influence. I’m leading a group of over twenty young adults each week, doing my best to share in my passion for Christ. I never thought I would see the day where that would happen. My temper and anger management issues have dissipated – not to nothingness, but at least from an 8 to a 3 on a Temperament Richter scale. I’ve become more generous in my time and wallet. And I’ve learned to love people that I often can’t stand. She taught me those things.

I’m a better man now. Funny how I can grow in these areas, and become a new creature, and now I’m not a fit for her anymore.

Ironic.

It’s crazy how the most meaningful relationship in my life, the most fulfilling, the most fun, and the one where the most growth took place, has been the only one to not leave me feeling devastated when it ended.

It should have. When this relationship ended, I should have been downright miserable. My mind should have been filled with thoughts of ways to die. I should have become jaded and bitter and marred from the damage that was caused in abandoning me. And while I’m sad that I lost my best friend, she gave me the most precious gift of all – God’s love. Through her, I have come to see God’s face up close and personal. How awesome is that?

We exchanged tears as we said our apologies and goodbyes. And by the end of our conversation, it was back to being comfortable and familiar. We were discussing Bernie Madoff. She brought him up. She wanted to show off her knowledge of current events. It stopped there. She didn’t know much about his current state of affairs after all. We had to chuckle.

It was a glimmer of hope that we could one day be friends again. But the reality in the short term is that we won’t be “friends” for quite some time. In a perfect world, we would be. And while I’m sure we’ll be friendly, the reality is that our world’s have shifted, and it is going to look a lot different now. I’m sad that such an amazing person won’t be a part of my life – at least not the way I had planned it – but I can honestly say I have no regrets.

It’s interesting how you can meet an amazing person, have an incredible relationship, be left feeling great about them, and in the end, NOT have it work out. Or perhaps that’s just…

Ironic.

Last night at Axis, I was reminded of God’s promise, and it filled me with hope and joy and a hunger for what is to come!

“For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

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