The Calm Before the Storm

Where we began is where it all ended

Ironic.

Last night, we ended up in the very place where we started – Denny’s. It was there where she tried to spit out the words that she wanted to be exclusive, and now it also marks the spot where we both made our peace offering to go our separate ways.

John Mayer’s song, My Stupid Mouth came to mind as we sat there in awkward silence. There was no chess playing of Salt & Pepper shakers, but we were both fixated on the tiny balls of napkin paper that we were molding. She made shredded strips of paper that were in a pile like a lumber stack. Mine was a twisted pretzel configuration that after all was said and done, looked like a conk shell.

In our differences, we are togetherness

Watching how different we were, even in our napkin rolling, had me thinking of our quote. I had envisioned engraving it inside her engagement ring. It was our identifying catch-phrase. It was meant to be a parody on Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (can there be a parody on a parody?). Now it’s just…

Ironic.

I look around and see the couples that started dating around the time we got together. Everyone would agree…we were the best couple. We were the happiest couple. And yet, we are the couple that didn’t make it. 

Ironic.

I told her that I felt like I made out like a bandit. I’m a different person now than when we started.  She taught me to love God with all my heart, and to pursue Him in everything that I do. I’ve gone on missions trips because of her influence. I’m leading a group of over twenty young adults each week, doing my best to share in my passion for Christ. I never thought I would see the day where that would happen. My temper and anger management issues have dissipated – not to nothingness, but at least from an 8 to a 3 on a Temperament Richter scale. I’ve become more generous in my time and wallet. And I’ve learned to love people that I often can’t stand. She taught me those things.

I’m a better man now. Funny how I can grow in these areas, and become a new creature, and now I’m not a fit for her anymore.

Ironic.

It’s crazy how the most meaningful relationship in my life, the most fulfilling, the most fun, and the one where the most growth took place, has been the only one to not leave me feeling devastated when it ended.

It should have. When this relationship ended, I should have been downright miserable. My mind should have been filled with thoughts of ways to die. I should have become jaded and bitter and marred from the damage that was caused in abandoning me. And while I’m sad that I lost my best friend, she gave me the most precious gift of all – God’s love. Through her, I have come to see God’s face up close and personal. How awesome is that?

We exchanged tears as we said our apologies and goodbyes. And by the end of our conversation, it was back to being comfortable and familiar. We were discussing Bernie Madoff. She brought him up. She wanted to show off her knowledge of current events. It stopped there. She didn’t know much about his current state of affairs after all. We had to chuckle.

It was a glimmer of hope that we could one day be friends again. But the reality in the short term is that we won’t be “friends” for quite some time. In a perfect world, we would be. And while I’m sure we’ll be friendly, the reality is that our world’s have shifted, and it is going to look a lot different now. I’m sad that such an amazing person won’t be a part of my life – at least not the way I had planned it – but I can honestly say I have no regrets.

It’s interesting how you can meet an amazing person, have an incredible relationship, be left feeling great about them, and in the end, NOT have it work out. Or perhaps that’s just…

Ironic.

Last night at Axis, I was reminded of God’s promise, and it filled me with hope and joy and a hunger for what is to come!

“For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).