The Calm Before the Storm

In the spring of 1996, I was heavily entrenched in a “life stage” transition from high school to college. My mom and I were traveling up and down the east coast for soccer recruiting trips to figure out where I would be spending the next four years of my life.

Penn State, UPenn, Tufts, St. Mary’s, Maryland, Lehigh, Colgate, Bucknell…these were a few of the places that were scouting me for soccer. They were a range of schools. Some were big (100,000 students), while some were small (1,200). Some were highly recognized for their academia, while others were acclaimed for their sports programs. Some were Division III programs, and some were Division I. Some were offering scholarships, and others were offering a warm hand. But what they all had in common was that they were claiming to want ME.

I had been accepted to every program (over a dozen) except for one. My heart was set on UPenn, but they were claiming that I needed 20 more points on my SAT’s in order for them to get me in. At the time, Penn State and Maryland were top tier Division I soccer programs, but I knew that if I went to play for them, I would likely sit the bench. They wouldn’t even guarantee that I would make the team.

In the end, it came down to two schools – Lehigh and Bucknell. It was a great feeling to know they were fighting over me. They had both claimed that I was their #1 recruit, and they were both Division I programs. They weren’t a top 20 program for soccer, but at least I would be starting as their goalkeeper. Academically speaking, they were on par with each other, and while they weren’t technically an Ivy League school, they pooled from the same caliber of students each year. So I had a tough decision to make. Bucknell or Lehigh?

What made the difference was their confidence in me. Bucknell wanted me more, and it felt good to know that I was what they wanted. But that didn’t last very long. The honeymoon was soon over after the season started 6 months later. I was their #1 recruit, and I did start over a senior goalkeeper my freshman year, but that quickly ended. Playing Division I college ball was bigger, tougher, faster, and meaner than I had ever imagined, and I was in for a rude awakening.

I went from starting and playing the whole game, to barely playing 10 minutes by the sixth game of the season. Some of it wasn’t my fault at all. Apparently the fourth year goalkeeper had a lot of political clout with the head coach, and despite the strong support of other players and even the assistant coach, it wasn’t enough to get me playing time. But if I were to be completely honest, I simply didn’t live up to the expectations of the Head coach. I was a disappointment…or at the very least, not quite as good as he had hoped for.

It was a fair assessment though. I certainly wasn’t any worse than the other goalie, but I wasn’t unbelievably better either. So when push came to shove, everyone was disappointed with the result – including myself. I wasn’t quite the superstar that everyone expected me to be, and I wasn’t the superstar that I was used to being.

But four years later…I was ranked #1 in the country for a Saves Per Game stat amongst the NCAA’s Division I goalkeepers, achieved Defensive Player of the Week in the Patriot League, and helped to lead Bucknell into unprecedented wins against rivals such as Lehigh and Colgate. At one point, we had even placed in the Top 25 NCAA Division I men’s soccer rankings, upsetting a couple Top 10 programs in the country.

The reason this all came to mind is because I feel as though I’ve been experiencing a bit of Déjà vu. The past 17 months of my career at Immersion Active have been a steady uphill battle of finding my mojo, chi, or in layman’s terms, my confidence. And although everyone has been extremely supportive and patient (as well as invested in my success) at Immersion Active, I haven’t quite lived up to the hype of someone with a Director of Business Relationships title.

So, it has been decided (and I can’t say I fault them for it) that I am no longer a “Director”.

So last week, I didn’t want to continue reflecting myself as this position, despite their insistence that the changing of my title could wait until business cards had arrived, so I logged onto my account on LinkedIN and edited my title to “Business Relationships Manager”. Within 24 hours, I had received a warm note from a client which I found to be quite humorous and ironic:

Lol. Little did she know, I had just been DEmoted, not PROmoted (in title only).

Even though this story doesn’t have a happy ending (yet), I know that the story is still waiting to unfold. The book of my life is still being written, and I’m anxious to see the story that God will write for me.

As we near Thanksgiving this year, I am reminded of how thankful I am, of how far I’ve come, and how much I’ve accomplished. I may have had my share of disappointments and unexpected outcomes, but I’ve also had my share of things to be thankful for as well. Pastor Steve wrote something that “stuck” with me a couple of weeks ago,

When you face an enemy, obstacle, or setback, you can either see it as a wall or a door.

As he explained, the Israelites chose to look at Goliath as a wall…and they waited for 40 days hoping it would go away. David, on the other hand, saw things differently – and God blessed him for it.

Every champ has his/her chump moments. But they’re a champ because they never stay a chump.

This chump is moving on.